Pruning the Tree...

Those close to me understand that my favorite item in nature is the tree. The regular backyard tree. The tree that has no other purpose than to give you shade and rustle in the wind. I guess that's why one of my favorite children's books is The Giving Tree. Trees are firmly planted on Earth, but reach up to the heavens. Maybe I am a little to influenced by Alice Walker, but I think trees spend all day worshiping God. Think about it. When you are in the presence of the Holy Spirit, what do you do? Most people fall to their knees (ground), raise their hands (branches), or both. I think that is what the tree does all day.

But sometimes the tree gets a disease, or a limb becomes infected with something incurable. Sometimes those branches become heavy and have to be pruned because if they stay attached they will poison the inner core of the tree. And while the tree has invested time in growing this branch.. the tree knows that to save its own life it must get rid of the cancerous branch. So the tree is smart. It quits feeding that diseased branch. It closes the water lines and lets that branch get dry and brittle. Then a strong wind comes and snaps off the diseased branch - thus saving the life of the tree.

Sometimes we have relationships like that... diseased branches that have to be pruned. People that no longer feed your spirit, bring you joy, and sap your energy. We, unfortunately, are not as smart as the tree. We try to make the person/branch into a healthy branch. We begin to feed it to the detriment of the other branches/relationships. Sometimes keeping that one persona attached to you begins to eat away at your soul infused sap. I wish we were as smart as the tree and take the pruning into our own hands BEFORE damage has been done. For me, it takes that final straw. The final push for me to realize that as much as I love that branch, as much as I've enjoyed our time together, it is time to let the wind separate us. But unlike the disconnected branch that lies dead on the ground, I will continue to pray that my severed branch/relationship finds itself a fertile ground and grows roots and flowers beautifully. And while I harbor to ill will towards the branch and its shortcomings in my life, I thank God for allowing me to feel the wind.

Someone Else's Words...

Sometimes someone else's words say what you want to say.

Today it is Becky Brights article "Just Live." Bravo Becky. Well, done.

http://hernashville.com/her/just-live

Check it out.

Are we really that damn important?

Myspace. Facebook. Linkedin. BigBlueRoundup. Family websites. Work email. Personal email. Blogs. Twitter. Cell phones/blackberries/palms/iphones. Whew! That's a whole lot.. and I am sure I missed some! Why do we need all of this? Are we really that damn important?

Of course I am saying this on a blog so that obviously says that I have a bias on this subject. But hey, I don't think I am that important. I know (most days) that the sun does not rise or set with me. (I said "most days!") So why do we need to keep the many different lines of communication open? Why do we feel the need to update our statuses or comment on everything?

Here's what I think: I believe that the art of the house party, card game, BBQ has been lost. I believe that the bookclub, girls night out, etc. has almost become extinct. I believe that the family unit has been spread out across the country. No, this isn't a bash on the lack of black daddies in the home! I am talking about aunties and cousins 'nem. Big mamas and playsisters. You lose those folks when you don't live in the community of your birth. And many people are in my same boat.

Have you recently been a participant in this script?

You: Hey girl. How are you? What have you been up to?
Friend: I was just thinking about you. How old is lil' Renee now? 2-3?
You: Girl, nah! She started 3rd grade this year!
Friend: What?! That is a damn shame. We have to get together more. Lil' Darryl Jr is starting kindergarten.
You: For real?! We have to make time for each other. Let's pick a date right now.
Friend: Ok, What about August 31st?
You: I can't. That's the marriage ministry retreat. What about September 8th?
Friend: Naw, that won't work. Darryl Sr's mama will be in town. How about September 15th?
You: Uh-uh. I have a dinner for work. What about the 16th? Like a brunch?
Friend: That's Darryl Jr's 3rd soccer game. You said brunch, right? What if we do an early dinner?
You: Cool.

But that's not the end. September 16th rolls around and then you get this conversation.
You: Hey girl. Are we still on for later today?
Friend: Was that today? Girl, Darryl Sr is away on business and I have to take lil' D to a birthday party. Girl, I'm sorry.

End Scene. (I should be a screenwriter, huh?)

So this leads me back to my first question. Are we that damn important? No. We aren't. We are over scheduled.

I have a big old house who's mortgage i struggle to pay every month. I choose this house because the downstairs was great for entertaining. I can count on my 10 little fingers the number of times that I have entertained in this house - and 2 of those were kids events! So what happened to the "I have on jeans and a tshirt and we are chilling with some wings/chips/soda" event? Must every event be a pampered chef/ G. Garvin event? Must I present to you the OHome version of my house each time you come over?

So to avoid trying to carve out time in my over scheduled life, or going on a wild cleaning frenzy, I facebook and post Norman Rockwell pics of my family. That means that we are (a) still alive, (b) doing alright, (c) have cute kids, and (d) are attempting to stay in touch. I can't schedule time to get you over to my house or even the nearby Starbucks, but I still care. I care enough to text you or send you a message while I am stopped at a red light. But is that good enough? Is that quick communique enough to keep a friendship going? I really don't think so. I think face to face communication is needed and sadly it got lost along the way.

So I am bringing it back. No more airs. No more keeping up with the Joneses. (I heard they got a divorce anyway.) No more BS. Next time you come over, bring a bag of chips or a 6 pack. Wear your jeans and whatnot. Expect to see toys and kids books scattered around. Relax. Laugh. If you think i am engaging and open online, just wait till you see me in person!

Trying Harder

I have to try harder. Have you ever gotten to that place where you just have to stop, take a real good look at yourself, and dig deep and try harder? Well, I am there. So I have posted my study guide. Take a look. Add your own cliff notes. Let's grow together.

“Now I may have wisdom and knowledge on Earth/ But if I speak wrong then what is it worth?See what we now know is nothing compared/to the love that was shown when our lives were spared/and tell him...” Lauryn Hill

Breathe

Genesis 2:7 "from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being "

Strength

Exodus 15:2 "The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him."

Passion

Psalms 35:9 “Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD and delight in his salvation”.

Wisdom

Proverbs 2:6 "For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. "

Obedience

2 John 1:6 "And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. "

Forgiveness

"the pain associated with unforgiveness will cause more damage than the initial act of sin itself; we must learn to free ourselves from this bondage; it often keeps us nailed down to our past and seeks to separate us from the freedom and love we experience in Christ.. "

Healing

Mark 5:25-29 “A large crowd followed and pressed around him. 25And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. 27When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." 29Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.”

Love

I Corinthians 3 “1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Freedom

2 Corinthians 3:17 “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

In Pursuit of .. Sexy

Ok, I am trying to get my sexy back. Yea, I am attempting to recreate the adult version of that 1997 body. The "i'm grown now and had 2 babies and umpteen surgeries but am still fresh" body. I have never had to fight so hard for something. And to be honest, I don't like it. I don't want to watch what I eat. I don't want to work out everyday. I don't want to believe every gadget that crosses my path. I don't want to do any of it.. but the alternative is fat. And really, who ever wakes up and says "Yea I am fat today"? Umm, no one.

So I hired a trainer. Nice enough woman. She looks great. Like for real! But I don't want to get up to go work out. And with the recession and my money being funny, I wonder if I should be saving that chunk of cash. Probably so. But then, the fat-phobia says "you are already thick/bordering on chunky. Do you want to be FAT?" And of course I scream no and head to the workout.

So then i buy a new girdle. A "super duper going to make you skinny if you wear it" girdle. A "super duper you are going to love the way you look instantly" girdle. So i put it on, with help from my husband, and look in the mirror and think.. "uh.. where is the magic?" I am supposed to have flat abs after getting myself into this thing. I am not impressed yet. And to add insult to injury, I have to have my hubs get me into the darn thing. So much for sexy. And I couldn't have sex in this thing if i wanted to.. it has 30 eye hooks. Can you see me going in for the sexual kill and saying "hold on a minute"? Boo! But I still have the girdle on, hoping that my magic was just running a bit late today.

And the pursuit of sexy is totally my own issue. I like feeling like I have it going on. I mean who doesn't like that feeling? And it is totally me who sees myself as less than sexylicious right now. I can pull dudes w/o problem. But it isn't about them, it's about me. I need to internalize that sexy is wherever a confident woman is located. So maybe i should stop chasing/pursuing sexy. Maybe I should be sexy right where I am.

Town Hall Meetings or Hollerin' at the Top of Your Lungs

I am not going to give my opinion or try to convince you to support or dismiss the Health Care Reform that is being proposed in Congress. You can do the research and make up your own mind about if the reform would benefit your situation and this nation. I am going to give my opinion on these so called Town Hall Meetings or hollerin' sessions as I like to call them. What happened to civil dialogue? What happened to stating your ideas/beliefs/concerns and then listening to me state mine? What happened to agreeing to disagree?

I may hate your ideas. I may think that you are an idiot for spouting such stupidity. I may think that you are wasting air and my time. I may think that our paradigms are so different that we will never see eye to eye. But I will staunchly defend your right to express yourself - civilly. These forums are increasingly turning into WWE matches.

The town hall forums are a place to make your opinions known and to receive information about the Health Care Reform. That's it. And that's a lot. Do you realize how much misinformation is floating around out there? Do you realize that your cousin's forwarded email/ talk radio/ even this blog are not the places where you should go to get the facts on the reform and what it will mean for you and this nation? Do you realize that I could post that the Health Care Reform plan would require that all people have their big toes removed for the prevention of diabetes and some person would see this, forward it to their friends, and have thousands of people believing it? Can't you see people holding up signs saying "Save My Big Toe"? Misinformation is running rampant. It is easy for fear-mongers to get this misinformation out because people do not take the time to research for themselves. Yes, I know it is 1000 pages. But before you decide to holler at someone or threaten violence, shouldn't you see if you even disagree with the plan? Or at least read the local paper, national news websites (CBS, CNN, ABC, Foxnews, NBC), the national papers (Washington Post, NYTimes) and a news magazine (Newsweek, TIME)? Check them out - then form your opinion.

Once that informed opinion has been shaped, write/email your congressmen. Attend a forum if you'd like. And once there, behave. Don't get what Newsweek has dubbed "Town Hall Face." It is this ailment that has congressmen against Health Care reform, scrambling to make plans for town hall meetings to get on TV. It is this bubbling cauldron that is forcing congressmen for health care reform to hide their heads out of fear of a mob mentality and a public beating. If they are our representatives, shouldn't they get our opinions? And then if they do not act according to our wishes, shouldn't we express our displeasure at the ballot box? Too often people attend town halls for their :30 seconds of fame and then retreat to the comfort of their couch during election time. Or people don't want to fight the loudmouths and can't get their legitimate concerns or questions answered.

Let's not be a nation of loudmouths. Let's be a nation of actively, engaged and passionate citizens. Yes, you can be one and not the other. Be civil. Be engaged. But remember to BEHAVE.

I Wish I Had a Clone...

There are many days when I wish i had a clone (or 2). I wish that there were two me's to conquer this world. 2 me's to have fun and sensibility. Two me's to just get everything done. Like today, N1 would spend all day lying in bed watching "Las Vegas" reruns, and reading a book. N1 would fight off this stupid virus/cold. N1 would overload on OJ and vitamins and would rest. And N2 would take the kids on a bike ride, and maybe rollerskating to celebrate their last day before school. N2 would clean the laundry and get all the clothes ironed for back to school. N2 would read all the work emails that are piling up and start working on her business plan.

But this need/want for a clone does not only come about when i am ill. I want a clone for the everyday too. N1 can be a coworker and climb the corporate ladder, while N2 can make it to every kids performance and clean the house. N1 can work 50+ hours a week and bring home a steady check. N1 would make sensible decisions. N2 would try new adventures and laugh more. N2 would teach highschool English, go to sorority meeting, and make it to the gym everyday. N2 would laugh at sensibility. N2 would live an adventurous life. N1 would take care of the mundane, so that N2 could live. I mean really live. N1 would honor her commitments, while N2 would run off with the male flavor of the month. N1 would be happily married and find comfort in her husband's familiarity. N2 would flirt and laugh on many dates, spending her nights reveling in the excitement of learning a new partner's body. N1 would find joy in her kids' laughter, while N2 would find joy in being the source of her company's laughter. N1 would have a season pass to the zoo, but N2 would have a passport.

Sadly, I am not being a very good N1 or N2 right now. I am not enjoying either existence. But i am hopeful that one day N1 and N2 will meet and if they cannot merge, at least learn to appreciate themselves and the other side of their coin. And maybe I will learn that whether I am N1 or N2, both are valid and important sides of me and both need their moments to breathe and grow.

189 hours

In any given week there are 189 hours. Have you ever really thought about how you spend those hours? Or how you want to spend those hours? If i had a magic wand, i would spend my hours this way:

7 hours of prayer and meditation,
7 hours in the shower,
2 hours at church,
2 hours in bible study,
50 hours at work
56 hours sleep,
7 hours working out,
10 hours helping the kids with homework,
7 hours making love,
4 hours putting on makeup,
14 hours playing with the kids,
0 hours in traffic,
2 hours at the grocery store,
4 hours watching tv,
2.5 hours watching a movie with hubby,
4 hours of community service,
4 hours of book club discussion,
8 hours of housework,
10 hours cooking dinner,
1 hour paying bills,
7 hours working on my writing,
4 hours of date night,
3 hours of kids activities (ballet, gynmastics, sports),
2 hours of yoga..
That would be the perfect week for me.
That equals 217.5 hours.

Can i borrow some of yours?

"Ex Factor" (written May 2009)

For some reason music lyrics have always spoken for me. They convey the words and emotions that I rarely let show. I am stoic. One of those cold women that only show one emotion – anger. But every so often the ice melts and I let people see the other side of me –the vulnerable side that must be protected. It is during those times that I turn to music to help sort out how I feel.

Like today, how to you explain to someone that you feel like a pit stop on their day? How do you tell someone who is falling apart that you need them to pull it together for their sake and yours? How to you explain to someone that you need to feel protected? That you need their arms to hold you and keep you safe? That you want to fall asleep inhaling their essence and sleep peacefully? I can’t. I’ve said so much over the past year that my voice is hoarse. So instead I play Lauryn Hill.

It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Why can’t you see that this is an easy fix? I know that there are things that are bringing you down but time and again you say the problem isn’t me. So why am I the one that is forced to suffer? What must I do to prove that I love you – flaws and all? What must I do to show you that I am in your corner despite all that you’ve done? Who loves you more than me?

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

And if you must leave, then please leave me completely. You treat me like base camp. The place you can run to for rest and restoration, but you always leave. Don’t you notice that when you leave you leave destruction and desolation in your wake? Each time you leave, you take a piece of me with you. Haven’t you noticed there is less of me now? Each time you close the door, I lock up more of my heart.

No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain’t workin’
It ain’t workin’
And when I try to walk away
You’d hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

This has been the hardest year of my life. It was actually easier the first time you left. I had a 6 week old child that depended on me, so there was no time for pain – just forward movement. But now each time I think we’ve made progress, you remind me that it is all a façade. So I am left wondering, is the whole relationship a façade? Am I really in a desert that I think is an oasis?

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

And while I know that you will leave tonight, I keep opening the door. I keep reaching out hoping, wishing, praying that this time is different. You’ve cut me so many times that I no longer feel the knife. I just feel the aftermath and wonder what happened? And each time you walk out the door, I get to agonize over where you are, who you are with, and if you will ever return.

Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me
There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me
Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me
Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me

You’ve said so much but meant none of it. Vows, promises, oaths – all broken. Why can’t you honor one promise that you’ve made to me? Why can’t you live for me the way I’ve lived for you, for us?

JESUS!

Jesus! Sometimes all you can do is call on HIS name and that is what i am doing right now. I am praying that someone intercedes in the lives of 4 people today. I heard on the police scanner that a woman has called into a tv company's customer service line. This woman told the dispatcher that she was going to kill her three children and then herself. The dispatcher says she then heard 4 shots and can hear someone gasping for air. The line is still open and the woman is not talking anymore. Whew. I hear horrible stuff everyday, but this one really took my heart/breath/soul away. As a mother/daughter/parent/human, i am sitting here trying not to cry. Please JESUS just step in and protect this family. And if that is not Your will please welcome them into your arms.

Why do you do it?

I was recently asked why did i start my blog. Why did i open up and expose my views and thoughts and random musings to the world? Did i think that what i have to say is that important that it just had to have an audience? Am i trying to start some movement or something? So i gave the question some time and came up with this answer: I started a blog because i love to write. I love to dialouge with others. I like to vent. I like to spark conversation. I think better when i type. Yes, i think i am funny and witty and sassy and weird and a bit too much and at 30+ years old still trying to process what i expect of me, what others expect of me, and what God expects of me. Because unlike my closest of friends, i am an extrovert. Because i believe that if i reveal some of the closeted parts of me there will be no "gotcha"moment down the line. You really know what you are getting when you talk to me. I started this blog because Jill Nelson, Pearl Cleage, and Terry McMillan are my favorite writers. I started this blog to prove to myself that I am a good writer. I started this blog to share me with you. And even if no one reads it, my blog will show me how far i have to go, and just how far i've already come. So in a nutshell, that is why i started this blog.

"By Your Side" (written June 2009)

Many years ago, dream hampton wrote a wonderful essay in Essence about passion.  Since then it has been my Richter scale for love.  Just listen to the opening lines: "My love for him is wide. My soul reached out and chose him. It holds on even when I want to be free. When we come together, it is all the things I'm told are dangerous to seek. It's perfect." Who doesn't want that type of passionate infatuation?  That same love is eloquently shared in Sade’s “By Your Side.” She sings of my love for him. Yes, I love him that much. I love him when he is unworthy of this intimate gift. Hell, I love him to the detriment of myself. I love him even when he repeatedly pushes me away. I love him completely and without regard for self. The opening line of the song – “You think I’d leave your side baby? You know me better than that…” – is the epitome of my love for this man. No matter what he does or how many times I try to cut the invisible cord linking us, I am happily his. When he smiles at me, holds me, or touches me; my entire being responds. I am contented like the addict after their initial hit of their favorite vice. And as often as I try to deny it, I can’t. I can deny him no more than the ocean can deny the tide.

Even now as he reduces our world to ruins, I am still in his corner. As Sade sings “think I’d leave you down when you’re down on your knees? I wouldn’t do that.” How many times has he crushed my heart and walked away? Yet I can tell by the inflection in his voice when he needs me. His cautious pauses and laden sighs resonate with me and I rush to his side ready to wage war against anyone that’s hurt him. Even when that war is with himself, I find him and bring him home. For a brief moment I rest easy, happy to be back in his presence. I stay up and keep watch over him trying to prolong our togetherness, hoping that this time it would be different.

He knows that I will always see the best in him. One day, he will look in the mirror and see that I am right. He is capable of being all that I believe he is. He’s “so much better” than he knows. If only he “could see into me.” If he could take one look at himself or our love through my eyes, he would be blinded by his possibilities and scalded by our passion.

While this sounds so very addictive, dependent, and one-sided; believe me it’s not. Sometimes I chase after him, other times he returns looking sheepish begging for forgiveness. No matter who concedes in our passionate wars, we are both happiest when the hypnotic pull of our love brings us back to each other. It’s above all others that we have known or may know in the future. I know that when I am lost or alone, he will always find his way to me – the one he calls home. Maybe one day the gravitational tug of passion will diminish or disappear all together and we will both be free of the chaos that surrounds our love. But for now even typing that line feels like blasphemy.

Welcome

Welcome to my blog! I am so happy that you stopped by. While i've been a writer for many years, this is my first "date" with trying to complile my many thoughts and musings on many subjects in one place. So to introduce myself to you, i've posted an archive -per se- of my works. Take a moment to browse around, comment on things you like and dislike. Drop me a link to your world. Maybe we will cross paths again.

No More Pep Rallies

Ok, Michael Baisden, I am sorry. I am tired of hearing about a march. Were marches effective non-violent protest in the 1960's? Oh, YES! Are they as effective today? Oh, no. I am sorry but why should the establishment/government/white folks worry about a march anymore? What we will march on Friday and be back at the mall on Saturday? Instead of spending money to get to the next march let's organize in our own back yards. Mr. Baisden, do you need some suggestions? Let me help you....

1. Be a mentor (volunteer at a church, YMCA, Big Brothers, Girl Scouts, something, but be a help to a younger generation)

2. Vote. (Yes, it is really that easy.)

3. Spend black first. (Take your hard owned money and spend it in a black owned store. You know you are going to shop anyway, so shop black.)

4. Quit having pep rallies and marches.. (Instead have a community meeting where you gather and organize into subcmtes to discuss items of importance, generate action plans, and then move in unison.)

5. Quit thinking that your cause is the only cause. (I love kids. I am concerned about the state of education in our community, but everyone isn't me. Some folks are concerned about the environment or animals. Let them be them and rally around those causes. Take your passions and be a champion of it.)

6. Love each other. (Ok, I am still struggling with this one but I really try --- sometimes. Honestly, how can i love Jesus who i can't see and hate my neighbor? But sometimes the neighbor pisses me off.. but i digress.)
Mr. Baisden, if you need more suggestions check back with me. I am sure i'll have more to say.

**Note: Michael Baisden is an syndicated radio host who is locally on 92Q.

i met this guy once..

I met this guy recently and he looked really familiar. Like someone I knew in a previous life, or had loved, or had been related to, but I couldn't place where I knew him from. So he stopped and said "aren't you?" And I stopped and said, "Don't I know you from...?" And we both smiled, because we both knew that at some point in the past we were connected. As we stared at each other and really looked deeply into the other's eyes, it stirred something melodic within us. Like a whisper of a song that you heard once but you can't put your finger on. So we stared and smiled and even started to hum a bit. While humming many images came to mind, of places we'd been and things we'd done and kisses we shared but then abruptly the song and pictures stopped. In that moment, a feeling of sadness came over me. I felt as if I lost my best friend or my brother or a lover. Like the person i knew was dead. But then a new song began.. louder than before but without images this time. This song was filled with the future. As I looked into his face, i realized that our hum was over, but this new song was filled with possibilities. So instead of trying to place him into a context of what I used to know, I reached out my hand and said, "Hi. I'm ..." And as he took my hand, he smiled.

Love

Love
I want a love like a movie soundtrack..
I want that love that is passionate and loving..
I want a lover that is urgent yet gentle
I want a love that smiles when I walk into a room
I want a love that is trustworthy
I want a love that doesn't make me 2nd guess
I want a love that encourages me to be better
I want a love that is honest
I want a love that would rather die than hurt me
I want a lover that is appreciative
I want a love that doesn't make excuses
I want a love that is rooted in friendship
I want a protective love
I want love full of laughter
I want a love that cries tears of joy
I want a love that is all consuming
I want a love that celebrates friends and family
I want a lover that understands how important touch is
I want a lover that listens and embodies great lyrics and poems
I want a lover that understands the line "your eyes are the window to heaven"
or can embody this passage by dream hampton
"My love for him is wide. My soul reached out and chose him. It holds on even when I want to be free. When we come together, it is all the things I'm told are dangerous to seek. It's perfect. Every moment is a dream. It transcends who we are, the other lovers we might know. It's all things made possible. It's utterly distracting. When we make love, it feels as if he is trying to disappear inside me, as if he wants to climb inside and make me his home. When we collaborate, I can see our future, a full life of love and art and purpose. Our conversations are marked by both kindness and a deep desire to understand."
That is the love that i am looking for.
That is the type of love that I am ready to give.