FYI: the following is an excerpt from Pearl Cleage's "Good Brother Blues." Amazing! Amazing! Amazing! Sister Cleage has so elequently detailed what black women are looking for in a mate.
We (Black women) are looking for a good brother.
We are looking for a righteous brother. A real righteous brother. Not one of those singing white guys who made the loss of love sound so intensely intense that you had to fall in love every time the record came on.
We are looking for a real righteous brother. An all grown up, ain`t scared of nuthin`, and knows it`s time to save the race righteous brother.
A good father/good husband/good lover/good worker/good warrior/serious revolutionary righteous brother.
A tuck the baby in at night and accept equal responsibility for child raising and household maintenance chores righteous brother.
A generate a regular paycheck or provide evidence of mutually agreed upon, full-time alternative service to the race or to the family, such as playing a saxophone or writing novels, or providing community defense, or taking primary responsibility for children`s nurturing and education righteous brother.
A read a book and play a tune and dance your slow dance sweet and low down righteous brother.
A love black women, protect black children and never hit a woman righteous brother.
A turn the TV off and let`s talk instead righteous brother.
A turn the TV off and let`s make love instead righteous brother.
A stay at home `cause that`s where you wanna be righteous brother.
A brother who can listen.
A brother who can teach.
A brother who can change. For the better.
A brother who can move. Toward the center of the earth.
A brother who is not intimidated or confused by the power and the magic of women.
We are looking for a righteous brother. What we used to call a good brother.
A brother who loves his people.
A brother who doesn`t hit or holler at or shoot or stab or grab or shove or kick or slap or punch women or children.
A brother who doesn`t call women hoes, b*tches, skanks, pu**ies, dykes, sl*ts, c*nts, etc., etc., etc.
A brother who knows there is no such thing as a rape joke.
A brother who uses condoms without being asked.
A brother who doesn`t call sex screwing.
A brother who knows that time and tenderness are more important than size and speed and that reciprocity is everything.
A brother who knows that permission must be gained at every step before proceeding.
A brother who doesn`t describe the details of an intimate heterosexual encounter by saying, "Man, I knocked the bottom out of it." Or: "I f*cked her brains out." Or: "I drew blood from that b*tch."
A brother who says: "I made her feel good. I showed her how much I love and cherish her."
A brother who says: "I rubbed warm oil on her."
A brother who says: "I kissed every part of her I could kiss."
A brother who says: "I made her feel so safe and happy and free that she fell asleep in my arms and her heart beat sounded like the ocean after a storm..."
We are looking for a real good brother.
We are looking for a brother who will turn the ships around.
...Some brothers feel that we, their sisters, are giving mixed signals when it comes to the manhood thing. We want, they say, all the protection and safety offered by a strong man, but we are unwilling to accept the presence of the warrior`s heart.
We, they say, are responsible for any confusion that exists on the manhood question; we are the ones, they say, that counsel caution instead of courage; diplomacy instead of defense.
They say that when the ships pulled up on the shores of Africa and the slavers came ashore to look for us, we were the ones who held them back; the ones who told them that it might be dangerous to go down to the water`s edge.
We were the ones, they say, who encouraged them to stay at home, telling them how worried we would be if they went down there with the other warriors to turn the ships around, assuring them that if they just sat here by the fire with us, the white folks would probably change their minds and go away all by themselves. They say that`s the reason why they didn`t turn the ships around. Because they thought we didn`t want them to.
Assuming this is a correct presentation of herstorical fact (and I am unconvinced), it is clearly one of the greatest examples of miscommunication in all of human herstory and one we should avoid repeating at all costs.
So let it be known that we are looking for a brother that will turn the ships around.
A brother who will go into the crack house and turn the ships around.
A brother who will go to the places where it is open season on our children and turn the ships around.
A brother who will hear the screams of sisters beaten to death by the men who say they love them and turn the ships around.
A brother who will hear the whimper of our babies born with AIDS and turn the ships around.
A brother who will remember how freedom feels and turn the ships around.
A brother who will gather with the warriors and march down to the edge of the sea and turn the ships around/turn the ships around/turn the ships around/and this time, turn the ships around.