I am currently in love with two men. There I said it out loud. I readily admit it. As my grandma would say I've gotten myself into a pickle. How could this happen? Well, it started off quite simply. I never expected to find myself in this situation, but so much can happen when you aren't looking. Especially when you aren't seeing clearly. I guess that's how I ended up here... confused, conflicted. Maybe you'll understand when I tell you about them.
Let me tell you about ??? first. I've known ??? for what seems like forever. He was the kindest, sweetest, nicest guy I've ever known. And cute. Really cute. I know cute isn't the manliest of words to use, but when I met him he wasn't yet a man. He was a boy, a very cute boy. And his smile.. it would light up a room. We were inseparable. If you saw one of us, you saw the other. And the sex. Timidly amazing. Everyone wants you to believe that they were a porn star from birth, but that's never the truth. ??? was that person who knew as much or as little as I did and was willing to try everything. Every time we were together it was like learning a foreign language. You know what I mean? You falter and stumble with the language at first, but slowly and surely you become fluent in a beautiful new tongue. That's how our love was. It was me and him against the world. Sounds great, right? So what happened? Life happened. Boys become men and girls become women. Time changes so much. Idealism faded away to realism. Dreams gave way to 9 to 5's. Dorm rooms turned into mortgages. And fun faded into.. I don't know. I think we both got to the point where we were more concerned with making a living than actually living. Don't get me wrong. We are still very much together. Re-evaluating and trying to rekindle. And the love is still there. The love is worth fighting for, right?
Of course in the midst of fighting for my relationship with ???, XXX had to come into the picture. XXX is amazing. Manly is the word that describes him. He is kind, affectionate, wise and manly. That word comes up again - manly. But there is no better way to describe him. His broad shoulders and strong hands give you that feeling of protection. Like no matter what storms may come you know that he would fight to the death to protect you. XXX is a guy that has lived. He's made many mistakes yet instead of repeating them, he's learned from them. He's gained wisdom from them and he uses that knowledge daily. He values time with me, because he knows how valuable I am. He's dated others and understands/appreciates the type of mate that I am.
And I promise I wasn't looking for XXX. I really wasn't. I was so caught up with ??? that I didn't even think about the XXX-type. But slowly, I began to run into XXX. Random places we would cross paths. Church. The park. At Starbucks. And at first meeting, it was just a smile. Then it grew into a wave. Next, a conversation. But that doesn't negate ???. I love ??? more than ever, but my desire for XXX is growing. I really do love them both. So what's a woman to do? How do you look forward while your history is somewhere else? How can you be in love with two men?
****NOTE: This is a work of fiction ****