Ok, I wish I could say that I faced a test and praised my way through. I wish I could say that I prayed and fasted and what I was expecting came to pass. I wish I could say that my storm is over and I got the victory. But I can't.. I really can't.
The reality is I faced a storm, well not a storm, I faced a monsoon, a tsunami, a hurricane. And I shouldn't say "I faced." That is past tense. I should say I am facing.. that is more accurate. But I digress. I wish I can say that the hurricane came and I raised my hand and spoke over it. That I said "peace be still." But I didn't. I didn't put into practice all of the things that I believe and all of the things that I have been studying. Instead I exploded and imploded. (Yes, it is possible to do both.) And the aftermath isn't pretty.
Why did I respond so badly? Because I had had enough. I was tired. I was sick and tired. I was .. let's just say I was done. I didn't calm the storm. If anything I escalated it.
So now what? The storm is still raging. The rain is coming down. The wind is menacing. And what about me? I am still struggling to find my footing, but I do believe that I will find it. I do believe that God was with me before the storm and hasn't left me during. If anything, I left Him for a moment and acted a fool. But I will survive this storm. I may be a little wet but I will survive.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Back to the Basics
Sometimes you have to go back to the basics. Sometimes you have to just start over. Sometimes you realize that you haven't grown as much as you thought. Sometimes you have to just go back to square one.
I thought I was evolved. I thought I was doing ok. I thought I was making it just fine. But over the past 72 hours, EVERYTHING has been turned topsy-turvy. And I am mad about it. Really truly angry about it. So I did what I always do when I am angry. I shut down and start making lists. (Remember, I am a planner at heart.) I make lists about what if A happens, then what if B happens, and what if nothing happens. I make lists on what do I want to do and what do I think people expect me to do. I make lists for everything. But then I stopped making lists.. I took a deep breath and thought "start over."
So I am starting over. Someone hit the reset switch.
Ready?
Step 1: I believe in God. I believe that He sent His son Jesus to die for our sins. I believe that He will give you strength when you are weak and help you along the way. I believe that even in the worst times, He is with me. And that makes everything better. I believe that He can walk me through whatever hardship I am having and help me to see the blessing in it. And while I can't always see the benefit, I believe that all things work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to his purpose.
So I am going back to step one and I am going to lie there for awhile. I am going to rest on this step, maybe I should phrase it differently. I am going to rest on this Rock.
I thought I was evolved. I thought I was doing ok. I thought I was making it just fine. But over the past 72 hours, EVERYTHING has been turned topsy-turvy. And I am mad about it. Really truly angry about it. So I did what I always do when I am angry. I shut down and start making lists. (Remember, I am a planner at heart.) I make lists about what if A happens, then what if B happens, and what if nothing happens. I make lists on what do I want to do and what do I think people expect me to do. I make lists for everything. But then I stopped making lists.. I took a deep breath and thought "start over."
So I am starting over. Someone hit the reset switch.
Ready?
Step 1: I believe in God. I believe that He sent His son Jesus to die for our sins. I believe that He will give you strength when you are weak and help you along the way. I believe that even in the worst times, He is with me. And that makes everything better. I believe that He can walk me through whatever hardship I am having and help me to see the blessing in it. And while I can't always see the benefit, I believe that all things work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to his purpose.
So I am going back to step one and I am going to lie there for awhile. I am going to rest on this step, maybe I should phrase it differently. I am going to rest on this Rock.
Friday, February 19, 2010
I needed this today...
Proverbs 28:13 "He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."
2 Corinthians 7:10 "Godly sorry brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorry brings death."
1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
2 Corinthians 7:10 "Godly sorry brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorry brings death."
1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Sacrifice Part 2
I always keep it honest, right? Even if it means admitting my own faults. Well let's just say after talking about sacrifice, today it was time to put my money where my mouth was. And I didn't want to. I thought about ways around my Lenten sacrifice. I thought about changing my Lenten sacrifice. I even wanted to quit Lent.
But then I had to pause and think, "sacrifice is not supposed to be easy." And I got out of bed and continued on my Lenten journey.
So why do I post this? Why post shortfalls? Because too often people believe that once they fall they are down forever. Or we look at someone we admire and think, "wow, I'll never be like that." But if we are honest with ourselves we would realize that even the greatest among us fall short - often. No one gets it right all the time. And if we understand that and cut those that we admire some slack, then maybe we can cut ourselves some slack. And maybe if we take our heros off pedestals and removed their perceived special powers, we will see that God gave us all power to rise above, to get back up, and to press on through sacrifice.
But then I had to pause and think, "sacrifice is not supposed to be easy." And I got out of bed and continued on my Lenten journey.
So why do I post this? Why post shortfalls? Because too often people believe that once they fall they are down forever. Or we look at someone we admire and think, "wow, I'll never be like that." But if we are honest with ourselves we would realize that even the greatest among us fall short - often. No one gets it right all the time. And if we understand that and cut those that we admire some slack, then maybe we can cut ourselves some slack. And maybe if we take our heros off pedestals and removed their perceived special powers, we will see that God gave us all power to rise above, to get back up, and to press on through sacrifice.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Lenten Season
Look at your calendar. What's tomorrow? Yep, it's Ash Wednesday. That means that many Christians across the globe will begin commemorating the Lenten season. For 40 days these Christians will sacrifice something to show solidarity and a limited understanding of the sacrifice Jesus made for their sins. Well,maybe I should say "these Christians should sacrifice." Because for many folks this has become more about themselves and less about Christ. A sort of New Year's resolution "do over" to be exact.
Don't think I am pointing fingers at you. Well, maybe I am. But believe me, if I am pointing one at you, I am turning the others to myself. In the past Lent has been about me, not Jesus. It was been about my goals and my wants and my desires for myself. I even began thinking about this Lenten season the same - albeit wrong - way. But then something changed, I thought "wow, I can't commit to 40 days for Christ. I am a sorry Christian." I mean really think about it. 40 days is nothing. It is just over a tenth of a year (10.9% to be exact). So God sacrifices His son. Jesus sacrifices His life. And we can't sacrifice 40 days to give up something that we probably shouldn't (or should) be doing anyway. I mean really sacrifice. Not just choosing little stuff that you can do on your own like "I will stop chewing gum at work." But choosing large stuff that you can only do through dedication and prayer.
A friend of mine is giving up smoking. Before you jump to conclusions, this is not a goal that she made at NYE. This is a sacrifice that she is making. Will it be hard? YES!!! Will it be a sacrifice? YES!!! Will she make it? Yes, with God's help.
I have another friend who is adding things to her life. She is sacrificing her time to improve her health. She has been plagued with illness for years, but is now reaching out on faith to take time out for her temple to be healed.
So what are you sacrificing? What is that thing that God has been urging you to cast down or pick up? Maybe it is spending more time with Him. Setting aside a certain time daily to talk and listen to Him. Or maybe it's that unhealthy relationship. Maybe it's an illegal vice. Whatever it is choose wisely? If you select something and think, "oh this will be easy" then it's not a sacrifice. But if you select a task and immediately think, that this will be the hardest thing you've had to do in a long time, then you are probably on the right track.
Pray on it. I know I will be.
Don't think I am pointing fingers at you. Well, maybe I am. But believe me, if I am pointing one at you, I am turning the others to myself. In the past Lent has been about me, not Jesus. It was been about my goals and my wants and my desires for myself. I even began thinking about this Lenten season the same - albeit wrong - way. But then something changed, I thought "wow, I can't commit to 40 days for Christ. I am a sorry Christian." I mean really think about it. 40 days is nothing. It is just over a tenth of a year (10.9% to be exact). So God sacrifices His son. Jesus sacrifices His life. And we can't sacrifice 40 days to give up something that we probably shouldn't (or should) be doing anyway. I mean really sacrifice. Not just choosing little stuff that you can do on your own like "I will stop chewing gum at work." But choosing large stuff that you can only do through dedication and prayer.
A friend of mine is giving up smoking. Before you jump to conclusions, this is not a goal that she made at NYE. This is a sacrifice that she is making. Will it be hard? YES!!! Will it be a sacrifice? YES!!! Will she make it? Yes, with God's help.
I have another friend who is adding things to her life. She is sacrificing her time to improve her health. She has been plagued with illness for years, but is now reaching out on faith to take time out for her temple to be healed.
So what are you sacrificing? What is that thing that God has been urging you to cast down or pick up? Maybe it is spending more time with Him. Setting aside a certain time daily to talk and listen to Him. Or maybe it's that unhealthy relationship. Maybe it's an illegal vice. Whatever it is choose wisely? If you select something and think, "oh this will be easy" then it's not a sacrifice. But if you select a task and immediately think, that this will be the hardest thing you've had to do in a long time, then you are probably on the right track.
Pray on it. I know I will be.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sacrificial Love
What is the true meaning of love? Not friend love, or "I love my dog" love, but covenant love. Do you know what this type of love is? Let me tell you: True love is sacrificial love. That is the base - the foundation - of all covenant love. God gives us so many examples of this sacrificial love. Have you ever stopped to look?
Let's start with this one. John 3:16. Come on. You know this one. "16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." Now read it again. Think about this passage. His one and only son. Would you give up your child so that some folks who are wishy-washy and sinful can have everlasting life? Your only child? What about your car? Or even the shoes you have on? Most folks would say no to all of the above. But God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to wash away our sins. He purposely inflicted unbearable pain upon His only son so that we can have life. That is sacrificial love. God sacrificed something precious for you.
Or read Luke 23:32-46. This is the passage about Jesus' crucifixion. Jesus was fully human and fully God. Which means that He knew how painful crucifixion was going to be to His human body, and He also had the God-power to avoid it. He chose to go through the pain, the taunts, the agony to take our sins away. Why? Because of His obedience to His Father and due to sacrificial love. Many parents profess that they would gladly take a bullet for their child. But would you take it for a stranger? Other profess that they would readily give up their life to save a family member. Would you? It is sad to think that someone would give up their life for a family member, but many folks won't even do daily things that benefit others.
Sacrificial love is about doing what God is moving you to do, even though it causes you discomfort. Sacrificial love isn't always about death. It is normally about life choices. Do you love God enough to give the church 10% of your pay? Do you love your child enough to forgo going out with your friends just to spend time with them? Do you love your family enough to quit smoking? Do you love your spouse enough to forsake carnal pleasures? Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for the betterment of someone else? That is sacrificial love.
Let's start with this one. John 3:16. Come on. You know this one. "16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." Now read it again. Think about this passage. His one and only son. Would you give up your child so that some folks who are wishy-washy and sinful can have everlasting life? Your only child? What about your car? Or even the shoes you have on? Most folks would say no to all of the above. But God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to wash away our sins. He purposely inflicted unbearable pain upon His only son so that we can have life. That is sacrificial love. God sacrificed something precious for you.
Or read Luke 23:32-46. This is the passage about Jesus' crucifixion. Jesus was fully human and fully God. Which means that He knew how painful crucifixion was going to be to His human body, and He also had the God-power to avoid it. He chose to go through the pain, the taunts, the agony to take our sins away. Why? Because of His obedience to His Father and due to sacrificial love. Many parents profess that they would gladly take a bullet for their child. But would you take it for a stranger? Other profess that they would readily give up their life to save a family member. Would you? It is sad to think that someone would give up their life for a family member, but many folks won't even do daily things that benefit others.
Sacrificial love is about doing what God is moving you to do, even though it causes you discomfort. Sacrificial love isn't always about death. It is normally about life choices. Do you love God enough to give the church 10% of your pay? Do you love your child enough to forgo going out with your friends just to spend time with them? Do you love your family enough to quit smoking? Do you love your spouse enough to forsake carnal pleasures? Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for the betterment of someone else? That is sacrificial love.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
God is Awesome
Ok, have you ever just paused and thought about how great God is? I mean really, thought about it. He is Awesome!!! Amazing! Wonderful! I know God doesn't need me to be His cheerleader but here are a few of the things that make you pause and smile/shout/praise.
1. Sunrises. The beauty of a new day. The promise of new beginnings. The fact that you are able to see another day.
2. Sunsets. The beauty of the sky followed by the lullaby of night. The quiet of meditation.
3. Lightning. Raw power ripping through the sky. Flashes of amazing energy created by God.
4. Breath. Just take a moment and inhale. Deeper. Do it again. Isn't it amazing? This simple act that we do thousands of times a day. The air filling our lungs. Wow.
5. Clouds. Don't you ever just look up and want to cry because of the beauty of the sky?
6. Smiles. (It is funny for me to even write this because unless you are really a friend, you don't see me do this often. But I am working on that!) The toothless smile of a child. The gassy smile of an infant. The powerful smile of someone that is racked with pain but able to still have joy.
7. Forgivness. For all the things that you do daily. Not just the big stuff, but the little stuff too. Because the things we call "little stuff" are often even more detrimental to our character. But forgiveness washes it away daily.
Doesn't that just make you wanna smile? I know this isn't the most stirring items that I have written, but who really needs flowerly language when you are talking about God? There is nothing I can say that matches His Greatness. So I will just say "thank you."
1. Sunrises. The beauty of a new day. The promise of new beginnings. The fact that you are able to see another day.
2. Sunsets. The beauty of the sky followed by the lullaby of night. The quiet of meditation.
3. Lightning. Raw power ripping through the sky. Flashes of amazing energy created by God.
4. Breath. Just take a moment and inhale. Deeper. Do it again. Isn't it amazing? This simple act that we do thousands of times a day. The air filling our lungs. Wow.
5. Clouds. Don't you ever just look up and want to cry because of the beauty of the sky?
6. Smiles. (It is funny for me to even write this because unless you are really a friend, you don't see me do this often. But I am working on that!) The toothless smile of a child. The gassy smile of an infant. The powerful smile of someone that is racked with pain but able to still have joy.
7. Forgivness. For all the things that you do daily. Not just the big stuff, but the little stuff too. Because the things we call "little stuff" are often even more detrimental to our character. But forgiveness washes it away daily.
Doesn't that just make you wanna smile? I know this isn't the most stirring items that I have written, but who really needs flowerly language when you are talking about God? There is nothing I can say that matches His Greatness. So I will just say "thank you."
Saturday, February 6, 2010
my heart is so full
Today has been a wonderful day. Trials and tribulations are on every hand but I heard singing. While I press on towards the goal, the end is near. Trials don't last always. And I am so thankful that even in the midst of chaos, God has been the & will continue to be there. That no matter the outcome I must count it all joy. I will remember that today I heard singing. And that's worth every battle that I've had to endure and every tear that I've cried. I heard singing.
Friday, February 5, 2010
A Great Compliment
I received a great compliment today. Someone told me, "you don't sound broken." And I smiled. I smiled because I'm not. Have I been down? Yes. Have I shed tears? Hell, yes! Have I doubted/overthought/and contridicted myself? Yep. But I am not broken. I am not broken. Why? Because no matter which way the wind blows.. I am happy that the breeze is still blowing. In other words.. if things go my way, I will be the first to shout and praise Him. But if things don't go the way I want them, then guess what? I will be the first to shout and praise Him. Because He is still awesome. He is still the great I am. He is still God and the breeze is still blowing.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Silence
I've been fairly quiet recently because quite honestly I've been saying all of the wrong things. But I spoke up today. I spoke up against chaos. Against traps. Against the enemy. "Against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12)
But let's be honest here. Every day that we are on this earth the enemy is coming for you. Every day. So today I spoke up. Did you? But what about tonight, when darkness falls and the house is quiet. Will I be talking smack then? Or tomorrow when my strength is almost gone? I pray that my voice will carry.
But let's be honest here. Every day that we are on this earth the enemy is coming for you. Every day. So today I spoke up. Did you? But what about tonight, when darkness falls and the house is quiet. Will I be talking smack then? Or tomorrow when my strength is almost gone? I pray that my voice will carry.
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