There’s a lot of buzz today about Lil Wayne’s new video, “How to Love.” Most people agree that it is shining a bright light on the several community ills. From domestic violence to molestation to HIV awareness, this video attempts to illustrate them all. Ok, enough of that. Let’s change the channel to another rump-shaking, titillating video.
Let me be clear, I am a Lil Wayne fan. I have Weezy F Baby on the ipod right now. I’m not even anti-rumpshaking. I am a fervent supporter of the 1st Amendment. I believe that GROWN people can listen to and watch whatever music/video/movie they want to watch as long as the people that made the art were consenting adults. That is a pretty liberal view, right? So what possible problem do I have with the “How to Love” video? Actually, let me answer a question with a question: What do you do after you watch the video? Do you go back to business as usual? Or do you change something in your personal life or in your community?
I know you are cringing and thinking, “Neysa! It’s just a video!” But why watch the video? Why post and comment about how important it is to see stories like this if we don’t do anything about it? Instead of just seeing great art about a tragic situation, I would rather work so the illustration is no longer needed. Doesn’t that make more sense? How many more "conscious" videos or movies are we going to watch? We turn to BET/MTV/Youtube or go to the nearest movie theater and watch the same storyline over and over again. Remember 2Pac’s “Brenda’s Got a Baby?” Or Eve’s “Love is Blind?” Luda’s “Runaway Love?” What about Precious? What about anything by Tyler Perry? I know you’ve seen at least one of these. So I got it. I understand the facts. Fact 1: Our daughters are being stalked by predators. Fact 2: Our sons are dying trying to define their manhood. But do you understand Fact 3: It’s our fault.
I know, I know. No one likes to have the finger pointed at them, but we can’t expect children to fend for themselves; can we? Nope. We are charged with not only providing for them, but for protecting them. We are supposed to position them to fulfill their potential. That is our job. And to be honest, lots of folks are falling down on the job. If you notice I didn’t say lots of parents, I said lots of folks. We are all stakeholders in our community. We all have to be better.
So, what are you to do? How can you be better?
Parents:
Read to your child.
Do not practice or participate in behavior that you don’t want your child to follow.
Attend an academic school function.
Know your child’s friends.
Establish boundaries.
Get your child involved in some extra-curricular activity.
Talk to your child.
Kiss and hug your child.
Don’t trust everyone with your child. Just because so-&-So is cool, does not mean they are a qualified sitter.
If your child confides in you, believe them and fight for them.
Pray for your child and with your child.
Community (This includes parents too. Yep, you have double the work.):
Mentor a child.
Speak at a youth event.
Share your story as a cautionary tale.
Be an advocate for a family member that is not parenting well.
Attend your lil’ cousins school event if their parent can’t attend.
Give to organizations that provide tutoring or scholarships.
Speak to kids you see out during your daily life.
Praise good behavior.
Pray for the community.
Here is a list of organizations that would be happy to have your time and donations:
YMCA Black Achievers
Big Brother/Big Sisters
Black Girls Rock
Girl Scouts
Boy Scouts
Boys and Girls Club
Now you have the action steps. So go ahead, watch the video. Download it to the ipod. And turn the volume way up as you head out the door to DO SOMETHING to fix the problem.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
God is AMAZING!
God is amazing! Sometimes all you can do is just say "Thank you." He gives you exactly what you need to keep on, keeping on. Things that I couldn't even articulate in prayer or know to even ask for. He delivers over and over again. So many people have said, "Let Him work. Let His will be done. Because what He has planned for you is so much bigger than anything you could plan for yourself." That is so true!
So "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" is all I feel this morning.
So "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" is all I feel this morning.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Will and Jada: Say it aint so
By now you’ve heard the reports, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are getting separated. I am amazed at the number of tweets and facebook postings that have been dedicated to this couple. Statements ranging from “Pray for the Smiths” to “Oh NO say it ain’t so!” have populated my twitter feed this morning. Here is my question for everyone that is looking at the Smiths, have you prayed for your own marriage lately? What about the state of all marriages? Why do the Smiths garner your special prayers?
I understand that they are the King and Queen of black Hollywood. I get it. What I also see is that they were an example of everything we aspire to be – smart, beautiful, talented, rich, and in love. But I also see that while we are so worried about the Smiths have we worked on being smart, beautiful, talented, rich, and in love in our own lives. It is so much easier to live vicariously through someone else than to put in the work to make it happen in your own life.
The Smiths were our ideal. Just like the Obamas. But while we are putting people and couples on pedestals, we must stop to remember that 1. They are human, and 2. They owe us nothing. We made them the black family ideal. In reality, they are just 2 people trying to make a marriage work. It’s hard enough stay married without the public glare, but can you imagine it when a whole community has their hopes and dreams placed upon your shoulders?
If we are to learn anything from this separation, maybe it’s to stop and appreciate your own relationship. Go home tonight and hold your spouse’s hand. Kiss them a bit deeper tonight. Pray a bit harder for God’s covering upon not just your family but all families. Maybe tonight is the night to let the argument go. Maybe right now is the time to reaffirm your commitment to your own covenant. Maybe that is the lesson that we are to learn from Will and Jada.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Can't We All Just Get Along
In 2003 a friend posed this question: Why is there no united front of Black people tackling the issues in our community?
This was my answer:
We get caught up in...
-the too many chiefs and not enough indians syndrome,
-the I've been on the battlefield for a long time and this person just came out the blue syndrome,
-the let me speak just to be heard even though I am adding nothing to the conversation syndrome,
-the I knew that person from the past and they weren't about shit then so why should I think they are about something now syndrome,
-the I want to be the star syndrome,
-the revolution is the only way and those that try to work through the system for change are Uncle Toms trying to get ahead syndrome,
-the I am trying to work through the system as a sleeper cell, insteadof announcing my attack by talking about the revolution syndrome,
-the I have a deep knowledge of Africana studies and those that don't have no basis from which to work syndrome,
-the I work in the factory form 9-5 and don't need no college educated negro telling me about racism because I am in the real world syndrome,
-the I'm going to hustle and make this paper because "charlie" ain't going to let me succeed anyway syndrome,
-the how can you worshipd a God that hasn't ever responded to your pleas and was given to you by the white man syndrome,
-the Jesus has brought us this far and anyone that doesn't believe it is going to mess up the cause and burn in hell syndrome,
-the we only want the men because women should be seen and not heard syndrome,
-the my baby daddy aint about nothing so why should I listen to to him syndrome,
-the we only want the straight syndrome...
Need I go on? I wish I could say that since I wrote most of that in 2003, that things have changed. But... well.. let's just say we still have work to do. And seriously, it is past time to be about the business at hand. You don't have to agree on everything. Start working on your home, your family. Then expand that to working on your street, and your cousin that needs a bit of help. Then expand a little bit more. There's plenty to do. And honestly, I'm more than happy to have some help.
This was my answer:
We get caught up in...
-the too many chiefs and not enough indians syndrome,
-the I've been on the battlefield for a long time and this person just came out the blue syndrome,
-the let me speak just to be heard even though I am adding nothing to the conversation syndrome,
-the I knew that person from the past and they weren't about shit then so why should I think they are about something now syndrome,
-the I want to be the star syndrome,
-the revolution is the only way and those that try to work through the system for change are Uncle Toms trying to get ahead syndrome,
-the I am trying to work through the system as a sleeper cell, insteadof announcing my attack by talking about the revolution syndrome,
-the I have a deep knowledge of Africana studies and those that don't have no basis from which to work syndrome,
-the I work in the factory form 9-5 and don't need no college educated negro telling me about racism because I am in the real world syndrome,
-the I'm going to hustle and make this paper because "charlie" ain't going to let me succeed anyway syndrome,
-the how can you worshipd a God that hasn't ever responded to your pleas and was given to you by the white man syndrome,
-the Jesus has brought us this far and anyone that doesn't believe it is going to mess up the cause and burn in hell syndrome,
-the we only want the men because women should be seen and not heard syndrome,
-the my baby daddy aint about nothing so why should I listen to to him syndrome,
-the we only want the straight syndrome...
Need I go on? I wish I could say that since I wrote most of that in 2003, that things have changed. But... well.. let's just say we still have work to do. And seriously, it is past time to be about the business at hand. You don't have to agree on everything. Start working on your home, your family. Then expand that to working on your street, and your cousin that needs a bit of help. Then expand a little bit more. There's plenty to do. And honestly, I'm more than happy to have some help.
Tavis, Cornell, and the President
It's been in the news alot lately about the rift between Tavis Smiley/Cornell West and President Obama. If you've been under a rock, here is a nice little recap: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-partisan/post/smiley-allergic-to-my-poverty-tour-reaction/2011/03/04/gIQAziPwJJ_blog.html. Did you read it? Ok, let's move on.
Now there are some camps of black folks that think, "You can't say anything bad about my president." Then there is another camp that says, "The President has forgotten about black(or poor) people and should be held accountable for that." And my problem is with both sides of the aisle. Why? President Obama is a man - not, Jesus Christ. President Obama is a politician. That being said he has knowingly opened his life up to being scrutinized and critiqued. But I think it is ridiculous the amount of personal attacks that this President has had to endure. No other president has been disrespected to the extent that he has. From the floor of congress, to attacks on his birthplace (Hello, Hawaii is a state people!), to the fact that the White House has received more threats than ever; this president has been attacke on every side and that is a sad reflection on our country.
But just because the President is a black man, does not mean that every black man has to support him. You can be proud of Obama's accomplishments but totally dislike his policies. That, my friends, is valid. Just make sure when you are talking about policies that you politically disagree with, that it is only about the policy. Don't let emotion and personal feelings get in the way. Unfortuneatly, I believe that both West and Smiley have let ego and emotion get in the way.
And that is where I have a problem. Over the years, West and Smiley have both been of great service to all underserved people. But when Obama came on the scene, many of the "talented tenth" felt that he didn't pay enough of dues. He didn't grovel at the feet of the people that have gone before them. And to be honest, he doesn't have to. The President acknowledges the shoulders on which he stands quite frequently. That doesn't mean that he has to kiss the ass attached to those shoulders.
For West to state that he wasn't acknowledged for all that he did to help the President campaign is ludicrous. My mother and her friends walked door to door campaigning for the President. I am sure in sweat equity she spent more time working on the campaing than West ever did. And so what? She did it because she wanted to see him elected President. And on that night in November, she got her "thank you." She never expected a free night in the Lincoln bedroom, and neither should West.
As for Tavis, I know you are still mad about the alledge snub during the "State of the Black Union." But it is really time to let that go. The President has to be the leader of the free world - not just the Black free world. Haven't we had enough presidents that forget everyone except their friends? Do we really need to pull up Halliburton files to remind you of what happens when only the incrowd gets taken care of? Don't we want any president but especially OUR president to be better than that? I know I do.
And let us not forget the political games that are being played here. Yes, I know that times are hard right now. We can't wait for change. But please understand that this situation wasn't created in 2 years and it will not be fixed in 2 years. To tell the truth it won't be fixed in the first 4 years. Look at previous presidents. Most spend the first term making small changes and getting re-elected. They spend the 2nd term fulfilling their campaign promises - or at least trying to.
So Brother Smiley and Elder West, I need you to understand that and try a little harder too. Try to listen more and talk less. Try to remember that just 50 years ago the thought of having a black man in the People's House was a joke. Try to remember that while we may forever disagree politically, that the President's success or failure reflects on us all - even you.
Now there are some camps of black folks that think, "You can't say anything bad about my president." Then there is another camp that says, "The President has forgotten about black(or poor) people and should be held accountable for that." And my problem is with both sides of the aisle. Why? President Obama is a man - not, Jesus Christ. President Obama is a politician. That being said he has knowingly opened his life up to being scrutinized and critiqued. But I think it is ridiculous the amount of personal attacks that this President has had to endure. No other president has been disrespected to the extent that he has. From the floor of congress, to attacks on his birthplace (Hello, Hawaii is a state people!), to the fact that the White House has received more threats than ever; this president has been attacke on every side and that is a sad reflection on our country.
But just because the President is a black man, does not mean that every black man has to support him. You can be proud of Obama's accomplishments but totally dislike his policies. That, my friends, is valid. Just make sure when you are talking about policies that you politically disagree with, that it is only about the policy. Don't let emotion and personal feelings get in the way. Unfortuneatly, I believe that both West and Smiley have let ego and emotion get in the way.
And that is where I have a problem. Over the years, West and Smiley have both been of great service to all underserved people. But when Obama came on the scene, many of the "talented tenth" felt that he didn't pay enough of dues. He didn't grovel at the feet of the people that have gone before them. And to be honest, he doesn't have to. The President acknowledges the shoulders on which he stands quite frequently. That doesn't mean that he has to kiss the ass attached to those shoulders.
For West to state that he wasn't acknowledged for all that he did to help the President campaign is ludicrous. My mother and her friends walked door to door campaigning for the President. I am sure in sweat equity she spent more time working on the campaing than West ever did. And so what? She did it because she wanted to see him elected President. And on that night in November, she got her "thank you." She never expected a free night in the Lincoln bedroom, and neither should West.
As for Tavis, I know you are still mad about the alledge snub during the "State of the Black Union." But it is really time to let that go. The President has to be the leader of the free world - not just the Black free world. Haven't we had enough presidents that forget everyone except their friends? Do we really need to pull up Halliburton files to remind you of what happens when only the incrowd gets taken care of? Don't we want any president but especially OUR president to be better than that? I know I do.
And let us not forget the political games that are being played here. Yes, I know that times are hard right now. We can't wait for change. But please understand that this situation wasn't created in 2 years and it will not be fixed in 2 years. To tell the truth it won't be fixed in the first 4 years. Look at previous presidents. Most spend the first term making small changes and getting re-elected. They spend the 2nd term fulfilling their campaign promises - or at least trying to.
So Brother Smiley and Elder West, I need you to understand that and try a little harder too. Try to listen more and talk less. Try to remember that just 50 years ago the thought of having a black man in the People's House was a joke. Try to remember that while we may forever disagree politically, that the President's success or failure reflects on us all - even you.
Monday, August 8, 2011
6 Months.. Well, How About 5?
I said I would go away for 6 months. Wellllll, how about 5? Yep, I'm back and ready to write. So if you are still ready to read/comment/share, let's jump in..
My most recent work was just published on blackloveandmarriage.com. Ha! My last post on this site was the Prayer of Jabez. In my private talks with God, I asked for Him to open the doors that He wants me to walk through and open them wide so I would have no question about His will. God kicked it open and gave me my pen back! Who would have thought that this blog would have a HUGE audience?! That is such a blessing. Heck, let's be honest. After reading the past 2 years of blogs, who would have thought that a marriage site would feature my work? But to GOD be the Glory! What the enemy tries to set up for your demise, GOD will use to elevate you! I know that you feel me!
So for my old followers, "Nice to see you again. I've missed you." And for the new ones, "I hope you stay around a while. Click through some old posts. See where I've been. It will give you a good sense of where I am headed."
My most recent work was just published on blackloveandmarriage.com. Ha! My last post on this site was the Prayer of Jabez. In my private talks with God, I asked for Him to open the doors that He wants me to walk through and open them wide so I would have no question about His will. God kicked it open and gave me my pen back! Who would have thought that this blog would have a HUGE audience?! That is such a blessing. Heck, let's be honest. After reading the past 2 years of blogs, who would have thought that a marriage site would feature my work? But to GOD be the Glory! What the enemy tries to set up for your demise, GOD will use to elevate you! I know that you feel me!
So for my old followers, "Nice to see you again. I've missed you." And for the new ones, "I hope you stay around a while. Click through some old posts. See where I've been. It will give you a good sense of where I am headed."
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