Every January 1st people all over the globe make New Year's resolutions in an attempt to make this year better than the last. The concept behind it is great. Turn over a new leaf. Do something different. Improve. The problem is that most resolutions are forgotten by February 1st. So a few years ago I chucked the idea of a resolution. I created the manifesto.
The manifesto is like a mission statement. It is personal. It is mine. In it I detail the type of life I want to live, the type of person I want to be. It is a description of my best self. And it is visible. I post it on my bathroom mirror so that I have to look at it as I brush my teeth.
So here it is the 2012 Manifesto:
This year will be my year of obedience. I can not ask God to keep blessing me if I do not follow His instructions - all of His instructions. I can not pick and choose when I want to be obedient. And I want to be obedient so that my presence is always a blessing unto my family.
I want every generational curse to end with me. I want to be a person that leads with love. I want to be a person that forgives fully. I want to expect good out of people. I want my ears to be closed to those that mean me harm. I want to extend to others the mercy that God has shown me.
I want to walk fully into whatever God has for me. I want to consistently be in position to receive His blessing and work for His glory. I want my spirit and actions to always say "Yes" to whatever God asks of me.
I want God to be at the center of all that I do. For all that I do to be pleasing in His sight. I know that by keeping my eyes focused on Jesus that anything that comes my way can be dealt with the correct way. I know that trials will come, but I want to deal with them in the spirit and really learn to quiet/control my temper. I want my life to reflect my beliefs and to be a living testimony to the goodness, grace, love, and mercy of Christ.
See, easy peasy. Well, writing it is easy peasy. Now I just have to live it daily. So I encourage you to do your own version of the manifesto and place it where you can see it often. Keep your eyes on the prize!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
I do Look Great, Don't I? **Original Publish Date 12/2010
This is an actual recap of a situation that happened to me recently. I had a repairman over to the house. He looked in my living room and noticed a double stroller. He made the comment, "You have twins?" I answered in the affirmative. He then asked the obvious followup question, "How old are they?" Again I give an honest answer, "11 weeks old." And the repairman says, "Wow! You look great to have 3 month old twins!"
Yeah. I know awkward. But how do I answer that question? Do I have twins? Yes. Think what you may, say what you want, but this is the way I think. If my husband and I are to truly restore and be one then how can there be a division of yours, mine, and ours? In my mind, there can't be a separation of the kids. If we are one, then those are our kids when they are in this home. Period. That's my train of thought on this situation - and really that's the only train that matters. So, when someone asks me how many kids we have, the answer is 4. And when the repairman asks, "You have twins?" I answer in the affirmative. Got it? Good.
But I am not going to go into a spiritual discussion about marriage and one-ness with the repairman in my living room. He really doesn't need the family history lesson. And I am ok with that, but when he said "you look great to have 3 month old twins" I felt a bit disingenuous. I looked great that day - period. I really did. And I know what his statement was saying, "you look great to have been pregnant just 3 months ago and you have already lost the weight and are standing here cute-d up." You know that's what he meant. So that is why I felt a bit like a liar that day, because I knew that I didn't really meet his litmus test.
But here I am a few days out and I have to think that "Hell Yeah! I look great for having 3 month old twins!" Because damn it, I do. I look great to be still married. I look ravishing to have kept my sanity. I am too cute because I am standing here in regular clothes and not wearing an orange jumpsuit and in jail. I do look amazing to have kept working EVERY day through this situation. I look superfine to have fortified my faith in the midst of trials. I look fantastic draped in love, forgiveness, and restoration.
So I guess I wasn't lying.. and from now on I will just reply, "Thank You."
Yeah. I know awkward. But how do I answer that question? Do I have twins? Yes. Think what you may, say what you want, but this is the way I think. If my husband and I are to truly restore and be one then how can there be a division of yours, mine, and ours? In my mind, there can't be a separation of the kids. If we are one, then those are our kids when they are in this home. Period. That's my train of thought on this situation - and really that's the only train that matters. So, when someone asks me how many kids we have, the answer is 4. And when the repairman asks, "You have twins?" I answer in the affirmative. Got it? Good.
But I am not going to go into a spiritual discussion about marriage and one-ness with the repairman in my living room. He really doesn't need the family history lesson. And I am ok with that, but when he said "you look great to have 3 month old twins" I felt a bit disingenuous. I looked great that day - period. I really did. And I know what his statement was saying, "you look great to have been pregnant just 3 months ago and you have already lost the weight and are standing here cute-d up." You know that's what he meant. So that is why I felt a bit like a liar that day, because I knew that I didn't really meet his litmus test.
But here I am a few days out and I have to think that "Hell Yeah! I look great for having 3 month old twins!" Because damn it, I do. I look great to be still married. I look ravishing to have kept my sanity. I am too cute because I am standing here in regular clothes and not wearing an orange jumpsuit and in jail. I do look amazing to have kept working EVERY day through this situation. I look superfine to have fortified my faith in the midst of trials. I look fantastic draped in love, forgiveness, and restoration.
So I guess I wasn't lying.. and from now on I will just reply, "Thank You."
#MarriagePrayer 12/30/11
Thursday, December 29, 2011
#MarriagePrayer 12/29/11
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
I Need You.
But here is why I have such a problem: In the age of the "strong black woman," I can do it all. I can cut the grass, fix problems at home, cook the meal, raise the kids, and work 40+ hours a week. I can do it all. And for the past gazillion years, women - especially black women - have been told that it is a sign of weakness to say that we need anyone but the Lord. We've been told that we can do/have it all and that a husband is the icing on the cake. And while I can do it all, I wasn't designed to do it all. No one is. You will run yourself into the hospital or loony bin doing it all.
Now, before all of my single black sistas and single moms form a picket line outside my door let me explain... I know that you are holding it down every day. I know that many sistas are single either by choice or by circumstance and that they are working hard, raising kids, and DOING IT WELL! But if a man came with his "A" game and stepped up to help shoulder the load, I don't think many women would turn down his offer.
Which leads me back to the statement that I need my husband. I need him to help shoulder the load. I need him to be my "home base" - that place where I can run to recharge and be loved. I need him to make my toes curl at night. I need him to help me to raise the kids and show them what a real man looks like - imperfections and all. I need him.
But I have to keep it honest: it's hard to admit that I need him because that statement makes me emotionally vulnerable. And I am not comfortable being emotionally vulnerable. But isn't that what transparency in marriage is about? Trusting your spouse with all of you - even the parts that you are afraid to share? So let me take the first step and say it loud and clear, not to you the reader, but more importantly to my husband: "Baby, I not only love you, I need you too."
What Are Your Priorities?
Ready to get verbally beat up? Well, I'm not going to do it. Here's why: when you ask people their priorities they always list the things they should be doing, not what they are actually doing. Another reason I won't verbally assault you is because life is cyclical. Last week I was totally tangled up in a huge project and everything else fell by the wayside. But now, the project is finished so I am refocused on my top three.
And that focus takes discipline. To see if your priorities match up to your every day life, ask yourself a few questions:
1. God.
What does spending time with God look like to you? Is that spending time in prayer (asking) and meditation (listening)? Is that spending more time in church or in a ministry? Or is it reading more of the Bible or of Christian authors?
2. Spouse.
Are you investing in your marriage? Is that marriage counseling? A date night? Do you need to work through a couples devotional? Do you need to have sex more often? (Yes, I jumped from Jesus to sex.. You should know me by now.)Do you need to have fun together? Do you need a couples vacay? Pick one and put it on the calendar. Work towards it - together.
3. Family.
Have you met with your kids teachers? Do you know your kids best friends? Are you helping your kids prepare for college? Have they read to you recently? Are your kids physically fit? Are you playing with your kids? Do you take them to things that will enrich their lives - symphony, plays, libraries? Beyond kids, do you check on your extended family? Do you talk to your relatives on a regular basis? Do you check on your elders? Can you name your cousins? Can your kids name them?
See I have lots of questions. Go through them. Pick out a few and make plans to incorporate them into your life. After a few months, incorporate a few more. This is how you get your life to reflect what you say. This is how you get your priorities in order. You know.. not just talk the talk but to walk the walk...
#MarriagePrayer 12/28/11
"Father,please work on my obedience. I know that I could be better in so many areas but it all comes down to obedience. Obedience to Your Word and obedience to the Holy Spirit. Father, please help me in this area of my life. Please keep Your hand on me as I wrestle with myself. Thank You for withholding punishment when I don't obey. Thank You for mercy I don't deserve. I love You and thank You. Amen. Amen"
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Golf Course Green
Let's be honest tending to your own marriage garden is hard work. You have to pull the weeds, fertilize the yard, and keep it trimmed. (You know I am the queen of metaphors, right? So just follow me for a second.) A regular landscaper mows the lawn, gets it all golf course green, and pauses to appreciate how great it looks. But the great landscaper does the work to not only get the lawn looking great today, but does the work to keep it looking great into the future. And that is hard work.
You should treat your marriage just like a great landscaper. You have to not only identify the weeds/problems that you brought with you into the marriage, but you have to remain vigilant to stop any new weeds from popping up. Great marriages take work. Great marriages take time and attention. And great marriages take fun. Yep, that's right - fun.
What's the point of landscaping a beautiful lawn if you don't take a moment to actually roll around on the grass? You have to stop for fun. You have to stop for love. You have to stop for sex. You have to enjoy the grass. And enjoying the grass/marriage is what helps to motivate you to fertilize it later. See, it's all a cycle. No one likes handling poo. No one likes digging through the mounds of manure to spread the fertilizer. But you keep shoveling because you know it will pay off, right? (OK, I am sick of the metaphor. Let's just talk.) No one wants to have hard conversations or go to counseling. No one wants to dig through and go deep into their emotional core and uncover truths - hard truths - about themselves. That hurts. But once you do the hard work, your marriage will take leaps and bounds forward. Once you dig deep and start to take care of your marriage, it will free up more time for fun. It really will.
So get out there, put on your yard gloves, get the garden tools out, get on your knees and do the hard work. I believe that every yard can be golf course green if you do the hard work. (Yep, the metaphor is back.)
#MarriagePrayer 12/27/11
"Father, thank You for the gift of laughter. Thank You for not only the strength to endure hard times, but the ability to appreciate the good times. Thank You for giggling and fun. Thank You for my spouse and that gift of laughter. Thank You for someone that gets me and understands my quirky sense of humor. Thank You for someone who will bust a dance move at a moments notice. Thank You for the good times. I know that You hear from most of Your children when our backs are against the wall, but I want You to know that I appreciate the good times. I appreciate the laughter. I really do. So I thank You and love YOU. Amen. Amen."
Sunday, December 25, 2011
#MarriagePrayer 12/26/11
"Father, thank You for the gift of my spouse. Thank You for the gift of covenant love. Thank You for thinking so much of me that You created another person to love me. God, please help me to remember that my spouse is a gift from You. Please remind me to treat him accordingly. God, help me remember that I honor You by honoring my spouse. God, I love You and thank You. Amen. Amen."
Covenant Gifts
So today is December 26th. If you are Christian and have expendable income, chances are that you spent yesterday exchanging gifts with friends and family. But today is the day after Christmas and my question is what are you doing with your gift? I'm not talking about a gift that you unwrapped, but the gift of your spouse.
Yes, your spouse and your marriage are gifts that you unwrap daily. Over the course of your marriage, you will tear away the "wrapping paper" until you get to the core gift - a sound marriage. A transparent marriage. A safe marriage. A committed marriage. And to get to that core, you have to make a decision to use your gift every day.
Yep, that's right, every day. The gift of marriage only works if you work at it everyday. You have to put batteries in the relationship and charge them when they start running low. And if I could put the metaphor of the gift down for a moment, you have to study your spouse. You have to know what words and/or actions cause them harm and you have to avoid those minefields. You have to pray over your union. You have to be faithful, loving, passionate, and forgiving EVERY DAY. Believe me... You will have to utilize all of the gifts of the spirit if you are going to honor the gift of marriage.
There are many areas of our lives that we need to recognize as precious gifts. From the gift of life, to the gift of salvation, to the gift of children, and yes, the gift of marriage. All of these are gifts to be unwrapped and enjoyed and appreciated. And just as you would for any present you receive you need to say "thank you" for them. Not a verbal thank you, but a "thank you" that is evident in the way we treat our gifts. Every action in our covenant should say to God "thank You for loving me so much that You made this person just for me." In my opinion, that is a wonderful gift.
Yes, your spouse and your marriage are gifts that you unwrap daily. Over the course of your marriage, you will tear away the "wrapping paper" until you get to the core gift - a sound marriage. A transparent marriage. A safe marriage. A committed marriage. And to get to that core, you have to make a decision to use your gift every day.
Yep, that's right, every day. The gift of marriage only works if you work at it everyday. You have to put batteries in the relationship and charge them when they start running low. And if I could put the metaphor of the gift down for a moment, you have to study your spouse. You have to know what words and/or actions cause them harm and you have to avoid those minefields. You have to pray over your union. You have to be faithful, loving, passionate, and forgiving EVERY DAY. Believe me... You will have to utilize all of the gifts of the spirit if you are going to honor the gift of marriage.
There are many areas of our lives that we need to recognize as precious gifts. From the gift of life, to the gift of salvation, to the gift of children, and yes, the gift of marriage. All of these are gifts to be unwrapped and enjoyed and appreciated. And just as you would for any present you receive you need to say "thank you" for them. Not a verbal thank you, but a "thank you" that is evident in the way we treat our gifts. Every action in our covenant should say to God "thank You for loving me so much that You made this person just for me." In my opinion, that is a wonderful gift.
Merry Christmas
I am so blessed and excited about today! This is the day we celebrate the birth of Jesus. While some folks try to discredit Christmas by saying we don't know when Jesus was born, I say "I don't care if we celebrate today or February 2nd, I am just happy that Jesus was born and that He died to save me." I don't know about you but I am so grateful that God gave us such a precious gift.
So Merry Christmas! Happy Birthday Jesus! I love You and thank YOU!
Friday, December 23, 2011
#MarriagePrayer 12/23/11
"Father, I want to thank You for strong prayer warriors. God, thank You for folks that will stand with you when you need it. Praying friends who will lift up Your name & remind us that trials don't last. Thank You for those that will drop everything to cover us in prayer. Father, I ask that You cover them & bless them for always being a blessing to us. Father, we love YOU and thank YOU. Amen. Amen."
Superman Doesn't Exist
For months I avoided watching the documentary “Waiting for Superman." Why? Because I am an education junkie and I knew it would make me angry. And guess what? I was right. Maybe if you knew more about my background you would understand why I get so angry about the subject of education. Let me explain: my mom is a teacher. Well, actually my mom is an master educator. Not only did she teach special needs kids for 31 years, after she retired she returned to help new teachers master their classrooms. Yep, she kinda rocks. I remember sitting in the car as she went inside a home to talk to a parent. (It was the 80’s… you could leave a kid in the car.) I remember her buying clothes and school supplies for students. So our home was not only filled with educators but talks about education.
Then there is the fact that by nature I would rather spend my time in a museum or library than a mall. I am the person that checks out 20 books at a time. I am the person who knows their library card number by heart. I love the library. And I love museums. Free knowledge is always a good thing, right? So basically I'm a nerd.
Add that to the fact that I have an M.Ed. and two kids in public school, and boom! You have an education stalker. I follow great school programs the way others follow Beyonce. I really do.
So now that you know why I am an education stalker, let me tell you what pissed me off about “Waiting for Superman.” When it ended, I still had some questions that I needed answered and there were no action steps given. Let’s start with my questions:
If you have a charter or magnet school that has a proven success rate – and I am measuring success by kids competing on or above grade level – then why are those programs not replicated. Just last week I asked @DrStevePerry a question about this subject. I asked “Does school reform have to be done school by school or district by district?” His answer, “School by school.” I partially agree with that statement. In my opinion, schools have to be reformed on a case by case basis because the needs of students vary depending on where they live. But if you have a magnet/charter school that is doing so well that the lottery process is overrun with families, then create a second campus that is a mirror of the first. There was one example in the documentary where 700 parents tried for 35 slots. If the community is that committed to the school, then why not create 20 more just like it. The number of applications are a sign that parents want it. I’m sorry but that seems like common sense to me.
My second problem with the documentary is that it ended without action steps. I watched the movie, so now what? I can’t stand work that gets you enraged and ready to act but then doesn’t tell you where to direct the anger. Do we need to lobby to get rid of tenure for teachers? Do we need to write letters to congress? Do we need to attend a school board meeting? What do we need to do? The documentary never told us. So, let me help you. My suggestions are not for everyone. These are only for people who have kids, or will have kids, or own a business and want a workforce that can read, or want co-workers who can read, or want to have nice stuff in your home without it being stolen, or if you don’t want to be carjacked, or if you don’t want to visit your nieces or nephews in jail. If you don’t fall into one of those categories then you are exempt and can sit back and do nothing. Here we go:
1. Watch the news and read the paper. Know what education issues are facing your community. Do research and be informed about YOUR community first. That is not selfish at all. On planes they tell you all the time to put on your mask first!
2. Visit a school. Actually ask for a visit of your neighborhood school. See the school for yourself. You can’t say “schools suck” or “schools are great” if you haven’t been in one since you left 8th grade.
3. Talk to a parent about their feelings about your school system. Get feedback for the actual stakeholders.
4. Attend a school board meeting. Learn about who is making decisions for your school system. If possible, ask for a meeting with your school board member. And if you don’t like their decisions, vote them out of office.
5. Donate to a school. A book bag, pencils, dry erase markers, giftcards, computer, something.. everyone can donate something.
6. Mentor a child. Help support a child that may not have parental support.
7. If you are a parent, show up! Don’t just go to basketball games or plays. Go to parent teacher conferences. Go to academic events. Volunteer in your child’s classroom.
8. Parents, read with your child. Do math with your child. Take your child to the library or a museum. Invest in your child.
9. If you have a great school in your area – be it public, charter, or magnet – ask the leader of that school, what will it take for it to be replicated. Then follow through with their suggestions.
10. Do something. Do it now. Do it today. Write a letter. Call a congressman. Cheer for teachers as they walk into school. But do something!
I know I am not the only person passionate about this topic. I really want to know what do you think? What are your suggestions? Or what are you doing to improve the school system? Because while we can’t wait on Superman to come in and save us, we can form our own Justice League and save ourselves.
Then there is the fact that by nature I would rather spend my time in a museum or library than a mall. I am the person that checks out 20 books at a time. I am the person who knows their library card number by heart. I love the library. And I love museums. Free knowledge is always a good thing, right? So basically I'm a nerd.
Add that to the fact that I have an M.Ed. and two kids in public school, and boom! You have an education stalker. I follow great school programs the way others follow Beyonce. I really do.
So now that you know why I am an education stalker, let me tell you what pissed me off about “Waiting for Superman.” When it ended, I still had some questions that I needed answered and there were no action steps given. Let’s start with my questions:
If you have a charter or magnet school that has a proven success rate – and I am measuring success by kids competing on or above grade level – then why are those programs not replicated. Just last week I asked @DrStevePerry a question about this subject. I asked “Does school reform have to be done school by school or district by district?” His answer, “School by school.” I partially agree with that statement. In my opinion, schools have to be reformed on a case by case basis because the needs of students vary depending on where they live. But if you have a magnet/charter school that is doing so well that the lottery process is overrun with families, then create a second campus that is a mirror of the first. There was one example in the documentary where 700 parents tried for 35 slots. If the community is that committed to the school, then why not create 20 more just like it. The number of applications are a sign that parents want it. I’m sorry but that seems like common sense to me.
My second problem with the documentary is that it ended without action steps. I watched the movie, so now what? I can’t stand work that gets you enraged and ready to act but then doesn’t tell you where to direct the anger. Do we need to lobby to get rid of tenure for teachers? Do we need to write letters to congress? Do we need to attend a school board meeting? What do we need to do? The documentary never told us. So, let me help you. My suggestions are not for everyone. These are only for people who have kids, or will have kids, or own a business and want a workforce that can read, or want co-workers who can read, or want to have nice stuff in your home without it being stolen, or if you don’t want to be carjacked, or if you don’t want to visit your nieces or nephews in jail. If you don’t fall into one of those categories then you are exempt and can sit back and do nothing. Here we go:
1. Watch the news and read the paper. Know what education issues are facing your community. Do research and be informed about YOUR community first. That is not selfish at all. On planes they tell you all the time to put on your mask first!
2. Visit a school. Actually ask for a visit of your neighborhood school. See the school for yourself. You can’t say “schools suck” or “schools are great” if you haven’t been in one since you left 8th grade.
3. Talk to a parent about their feelings about your school system. Get feedback for the actual stakeholders.
4. Attend a school board meeting. Learn about who is making decisions for your school system. If possible, ask for a meeting with your school board member. And if you don’t like their decisions, vote them out of office.
5. Donate to a school. A book bag, pencils, dry erase markers, giftcards, computer, something.. everyone can donate something.
6. Mentor a child. Help support a child that may not have parental support.
7. If you are a parent, show up! Don’t just go to basketball games or plays. Go to parent teacher conferences. Go to academic events. Volunteer in your child’s classroom.
8. Parents, read with your child. Do math with your child. Take your child to the library or a museum. Invest in your child.
9. If you have a great school in your area – be it public, charter, or magnet – ask the leader of that school, what will it take for it to be replicated. Then follow through with their suggestions.
10. Do something. Do it now. Do it today. Write a letter. Call a congressman. Cheer for teachers as they walk into school. But do something!
I know I am not the only person passionate about this topic. I really want to know what do you think? What are your suggestions? Or what are you doing to improve the school system? Because while we can’t wait on Superman to come in and save us, we can form our own Justice League and save ourselves.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
#MarriagePrayer 12/22/11
"Father, thank You for Your Word. Thank You for giving us a blueprint on how to tackle every situation that arises in our life. Thank You for the gift of the Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing both Your Word & the Holy Spirit to help us in marriage. Please help us to remember to rely on both not only when times are stressful, but also when our marriage is sweet. Let us wrap our hearts, our marriages, & our families in Your Word so that we will be equipped to impact the world. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. Amen."
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
#MarriagePrayer 12/21/11
"Father, thank You for the healthy communication with my spouse. Thank You for allowing our communication to grow and develop towards transparency. Thank You for softening our hearts so that we can truly hear each other. Thank You for giving us pause before we say something that may be destructive to our spouse. Thank You for making our marriage a safe place where our words will not be used against us. Father, I want to just thank You for growth in this area of my marriage. I love You and thank You. Amen. Amen."
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
#MarriagePrayer
Good morning! For the past two months I have been leading the #marriageprayer on twitter. Every Monday - Friday at 7am CST you can find me on twitter at @myriadthatisme and join in with me. Each day I (and those who join with me) pray for marriages, families, and our community. The Word says in Matthew 18:20, when 2 or more gather in His name, He is right there with them. So I am using social media to touch and agree. Come check us out! But if you can't join us at that time, don't worry. Beginning today you can find the marriage prayer posted here as well.
And coming soon, it will be on the Myriad That Is Me facebook fan page. (Yep, I am believing GOD for big things in 2012!)
And coming soon, it will be on the Myriad That Is Me facebook fan page. (Yep, I am believing GOD for big things in 2012!)
#Marriage Prayer 12/20/11
"Father, thank You for my children. Thank You for opening my eyes to realize that they are a mirror of everything I do and say. Father, please make me & my spouse better parents in Your image. Let us lead by example and love abundantly. Let us be stern when correction is needed. Let us rise with purpose each morning to walk in Your image so that our children don't have to search for role models in the world. God, protect our children from any harm that may come against them. Protect them from bullying, low self esteem, illness, and lack. Be a true hedge around them at all time. Father, I love You and thank YOU. Amen. Amen."
Sunday, December 18, 2011
(Wo)Man in the Mirror
I have a secret that I want to share with you. Every change that I want in my life starts with me. Every change that you want in your life starts with you. In about two weeks, people around the globe will make wishes for their life that they will call New Years Resolutions. By February 1st those resolutions will be long gone. I'm not pointing fingers. I've made them year after year. But no more. I'm done making resolutions or wishes. I am now making changes and every change that I am making starts with me. That's right. Me.
Why? Because everything that I want is with in my grasp. If I want to keep improving my marriage, then I have to get up every day and honor my marriage. If I want to lose 40lbs, then I need to get off the couch and walk around my neighborhood. If I want to be a better parent, then I need to turn off the gazillion forms of entertainment in my house and be present in my kids' lives. See what I mean? It all starts with me. Sounds easy, doesn't it? But no, it's not easy.
Why? Because anything worth having requires hard word. Consistent hard work. It's that "C" word that messes us all up. Consistent. It's easy to diet because at the end of the diet, you tell yourself you can go back to eating what you want, right? But if you've ever tried this form of dieting, you know that by the end of the first week you've regained most of the weight you lost. The only way to have real weight loss is to change your lifestyle. That means you have to be consistent. Not just today, not just tomorrow, but 5 years from now. You have to be consistent. That's hard work.
So I am not making a resolution or wish this year. I am going to work on me. I am going to work on my consistency. Not on January 1st or even tomorrow. I am going to work on me right now.
Why? Because everything that I want is with in my grasp. If I want to keep improving my marriage, then I have to get up every day and honor my marriage. If I want to lose 40lbs, then I need to get off the couch and walk around my neighborhood. If I want to be a better parent, then I need to turn off the gazillion forms of entertainment in my house and be present in my kids' lives. See what I mean? It all starts with me. Sounds easy, doesn't it? But no, it's not easy.
Why? Because anything worth having requires hard word. Consistent hard work. It's that "C" word that messes us all up. Consistent. It's easy to diet because at the end of the diet, you tell yourself you can go back to eating what you want, right? But if you've ever tried this form of dieting, you know that by the end of the first week you've regained most of the weight you lost. The only way to have real weight loss is to change your lifestyle. That means you have to be consistent. Not just today, not just tomorrow, but 5 years from now. You have to be consistent. That's hard work.
So I am not making a resolution or wish this year. I am going to work on me. I am going to work on my consistency. Not on January 1st or even tomorrow. I am going to work on me right now.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Take Care of You
Folks, listen up. Wives, you should especially pay attention. Guess what? Let me tell you a secret. Lean in close. Ready? You are important to God's plan for your family.
Did you hear what I said? YOU are important to God's plan for your family. That means that your family cannot achieve all of what God has ordained if you are not fully present. I know you are thinking, "Duh, Ney, I know that. Why do you think I read the blog? I am learning about being a better spouse. I get that." But do you understand the biggest part of that is YOU? You are important. You are important. YOU are important. And if YOU are important, are you treating yourself as such?
Ah-ha! That was the light bulb moment. Lots of women get a sense of guilt about doing things for themselves. We run, run, run until we can't run anymore. Then if we are lucky, we fall out for a day and then get back up running again. If we aren't lucky, we stroke out, have high blood pressure, or even die. Think about the women you know. How many are overweight, exhausted, last on their list?
Everyone says that you have to take care of you to be able to take care of anyone else. And that is so true.. but let's be honest.. that is easier said than done. So be sneaky about your me time. If you are trying to workout, incorporate the family. Go for a family walk. If you need time to sit with God's Word, incorporate a Bible hour in your home. But take the time to take care of you.
Remember you are "fearfully and wonderfully made." You are one of God's greatest creations. Shouldn't you treat yourself as such?
Did you hear what I said? YOU are important to God's plan for your family. That means that your family cannot achieve all of what God has ordained if you are not fully present. I know you are thinking, "Duh, Ney, I know that. Why do you think I read the blog? I am learning about being a better spouse. I get that." But do you understand the biggest part of that is YOU? You are important. You are important. YOU are important. And if YOU are important, are you treating yourself as such?
Ah-ha! That was the light bulb moment. Lots of women get a sense of guilt about doing things for themselves. We run, run, run until we can't run anymore. Then if we are lucky, we fall out for a day and then get back up running again. If we aren't lucky, we stroke out, have high blood pressure, or even die. Think about the women you know. How many are overweight, exhausted, last on their list?
Everyone says that you have to take care of you to be able to take care of anyone else. And that is so true.. but let's be honest.. that is easier said than done. So be sneaky about your me time. If you are trying to workout, incorporate the family. Go for a family walk. If you need time to sit with God's Word, incorporate a Bible hour in your home. But take the time to take care of you.
Remember you are "fearfully and wonderfully made." You are one of God's greatest creations. Shouldn't you treat yourself as such?
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Marriage Public Relations
If you pick up a magazine or turn on the tv, the images of marriage are amazingly dysfunctional. Either it's a litany of who is cheating on who, or someone is filing for divorce, or some random celeb is making a mockery of marriage. And guess what? Married people aren't helping the situation. I know you are thinking, "what? Huh? If they are married, aren't they the antithesis of the problem?" Well, no. Married people give off one of two ideas about marriage - and they are both extreme - Fairytale or Hell.
While it is true that most marriages will have their share of fairytale moments and at times some hellish ones too, that isn't all that marriage is. It makes marriage sound like a bi-polar institution. Too many of us act like marriage is a continuous Disney World. We come off a wonderful wedding where we were the center of attention and everyone cowed to our whims and BOOM! We are back in reality. And the reality is that everyday isn't Disney. But everyday isn't hell either. A real marriage has mountainous highs, valley lows, but it also has lots of little ant hills and potholes. And it's how you weather these little highs and lows that really make up the day-to-day of your marriage. And that is the key bit of information that married folks fail to celebrate.
That's what we need to convey to singles about marriage. We have to take a moment to tell people about the reality of marriage. And to do that we need to appreciate the little things that happen everyday. That fact that your wife cooks you dinner and washes your clothes is no little feat. The fact that your husband cuts the grass and keeps the car clean takes time. There is planning and love and honor through service that we need to acknowledge, appreciate, and not take for granted. I know what some of you may be thinking, "Isn't that what they are supposed to do? Why should you get a pat on the back for doing something that spouses should do anyway?" You pat them on the back because they choose to do it for you. That's right. It's always a choice. And your spouse chooses to love you by ironing your shirt or taking the trash out. That is love through service. It's important to marriage so treat it as such.
We also have to remain vigilant to not let the little molehills grow into Mt. Everest. There are little things that we all do that annoy our spouses. From "why are her shoes all over the closet floor" to "why does he walk past the hamper and leave his underwear on the floor outside the shower" - there are tons of things that your spouse does everyday that get under your skin.. if you let it. I used to think that the drawers outside the shower were my husband's attempt to get on my nerves on purpose. (Yea, that was a real example.) But after I paused for a second and thought about it, it's not about that at all. That is just where he feels most comfortable disrobing. Yep, it was that simple. I could have gotten upset and fussed about it and let that one minor thing grow into a wedge in my marriage, or I can just say whatever and keep it moving. You can make that same choice to overlook the minor stuff and focus on the good. And when you are focused on the good you are not complaining about your marriage to single folks.
Honestly, there are enough things coming against your marriage so why sweat the small stuff? And that is the view that we need to give singles. That marriage is not all highs and lows.. but it's lots of little moments where you choose to love, you choose to honor, you choose to be married.
And hear me well.. I am not saying to give singles a "Pollyanna" view of marriage. I am saying that you have to share the sweetness of it, the choice to love and be loved, and the fact that marriage is not disposable. Once you understand and appreciate those things about your covenant, you won't have to say a word to singles about the institution of marriage. Why? Because your love.. your marriage will be the best billboard for them to read.
While it is true that most marriages will have their share of fairytale moments and at times some hellish ones too, that isn't all that marriage is. It makes marriage sound like a bi-polar institution. Too many of us act like marriage is a continuous Disney World. We come off a wonderful wedding where we were the center of attention and everyone cowed to our whims and BOOM! We are back in reality. And the reality is that everyday isn't Disney. But everyday isn't hell either. A real marriage has mountainous highs, valley lows, but it also has lots of little ant hills and potholes. And it's how you weather these little highs and lows that really make up the day-to-day of your marriage. And that is the key bit of information that married folks fail to celebrate.
That's what we need to convey to singles about marriage. We have to take a moment to tell people about the reality of marriage. And to do that we need to appreciate the little things that happen everyday. That fact that your wife cooks you dinner and washes your clothes is no little feat. The fact that your husband cuts the grass and keeps the car clean takes time. There is planning and love and honor through service that we need to acknowledge, appreciate, and not take for granted. I know what some of you may be thinking, "Isn't that what they are supposed to do? Why should you get a pat on the back for doing something that spouses should do anyway?" You pat them on the back because they choose to do it for you. That's right. It's always a choice. And your spouse chooses to love you by ironing your shirt or taking the trash out. That is love through service. It's important to marriage so treat it as such.
We also have to remain vigilant to not let the little molehills grow into Mt. Everest. There are little things that we all do that annoy our spouses. From "why are her shoes all over the closet floor" to "why does he walk past the hamper and leave his underwear on the floor outside the shower" - there are tons of things that your spouse does everyday that get under your skin.. if you let it. I used to think that the drawers outside the shower were my husband's attempt to get on my nerves on purpose. (Yea, that was a real example.) But after I paused for a second and thought about it, it's not about that at all. That is just where he feels most comfortable disrobing. Yep, it was that simple. I could have gotten upset and fussed about it and let that one minor thing grow into a wedge in my marriage, or I can just say whatever and keep it moving. You can make that same choice to overlook the minor stuff and focus on the good. And when you are focused on the good you are not complaining about your marriage to single folks.
Honestly, there are enough things coming against your marriage so why sweat the small stuff? And that is the view that we need to give singles. That marriage is not all highs and lows.. but it's lots of little moments where you choose to love, you choose to honor, you choose to be married.
And hear me well.. I am not saying to give singles a "Pollyanna" view of marriage. I am saying that you have to share the sweetness of it, the choice to love and be loved, and the fact that marriage is not disposable. Once you understand and appreciate those things about your covenant, you won't have to say a word to singles about the institution of marriage. Why? Because your love.. your marriage will be the best billboard for them to read.
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