So I received an comment on my blog from Monica today. Yes, that Monica. The Monica that slept w/my husband and is the mother of the twins. Apparently, she has a problem with the term "mom-mom." Why? I don't know. Heck, I don't care. But let the record show that I am tired of it. I am tired of the comments and blog posts from her and her friends. Let the record show that while my husband made mistakes - HUGE mistakes - so did she. See, the part that the world doesn't know is that Monica and I were pretty cool. We weren't friends, but we were pretty cool. Cool enough that I could babysit her oldest daughter for her. Cool enough that when she and the father of that child broke up, that I gave her a "Girl, You will make it and whatever you need, let me know pep talk." I didn't know that it would include my husband.
So, since the affair when our paths have crossed the outcome was not good. So I normally selected to read the comments, or hear the stankness in her voice, seethe for a few moments, then let it go. Why? Because I am older now. Physically fighting over a man isn't even an option. She's a cop. I have a career. I am too grown to go all Basketball Wives. There's court and DCS. That isn't even an option. So normally I let it go. Why? Because in her current mindset, she is a "non-mother-fucking" factor. That doesn't mean that as a parent she is not vitally important to her SONS' lives. But in her current angry state, she isn't a factor in mine.
I will never understand why Monica is upset with me. Never. Have I said horribly foul things to her? Umm, yep, that was me. Was that wrong? Yep. It was. But it seems that her problem with me is deeper than that. The problem seems to be anger at me for being my husband's wife. The anger makes it seem as if I took her man. I didn't. He is my husband. He has been my husband for years. When she met him, he was my husband. For a while did he suck at being a husband? Yep. But that did not negate the vows, the promises, the covenant. So, I will never understand why she is so angry with me.
So it brings us back to the term, mom-mom. I love it. It is different from mama or mommie or mommy which is what I assume the boys call Monica. Do I wish that everyone could heal at the same rate and become "Will-Jada-& Sheree?" Yep. I wish that my presence wasn't met w/such harshness especially since I never met the presence of the boys with anything but love. I know that what ever problem the adults may have should NEVER filter down to the boys or any of the kids for that matter. One day my youngest daughter asked me a question, "Do you like Miss Monica?" My answer was "no. not really." My child said, "Good. Because i don't like her either and when I see her I'm going to kick her." My response, "No, you aren't going to kick any adult. You are going to respect Miss Monica because you expect people to respect me, right? You don't have to like anyone, but you have to respect them." See, my children equate "Miss Monica" with a very difficult period in our lives. Does that pain me? Yep. Deeply. But I would rather them know the truth - Daddy messed up, Miss Monica had the twins, Mommy and Daddy had hard times but are working to make the family even better than before. And that family includes the boys for several days every week.
Do I love the boys? Yes. Do I think that I am their mother? Nope. Sure don't. But if someone asks me how many kids I have, the answer is 4. That is exactly how many I have in my heart. In my opinion, that doesn't erase her as a parent, but it enriches the life of the twins. I am not trying to be their mom. I am just trying to be a good mom-mom.