#MarriagePrayer 3/1/12

Father, thank You for all that You have done for me. Jesus, I ask that today You allow everyone in my household to see themselves as You see them. Father, block out all negative images and self doubt. Empower my husband, my kids, and myself to walk in Your vision of us. If we could just remember who we are in You, then we will be able to soar in the face of adversity. So Father help us to see ourselves as Your children, as important parts of YOUR kingdom. And don't let us stop there.. after we see ourselves Your way bind all fear and give us courage to walk in the blessings that You have for us. Jesus, we love YOU and thank YOU. Amen. Amen.

Closing the Gap

A few years ago I wrote myself a very detailed letter of exactly what I wanted my life to be. I was specific. I wrote down how I would look, what my social life would be like, the status of my marriage, how my finances would be in order, etc. I was detailed. Tonight I read it and thought, "what happened? Why am I not that person on the paper?" Well, let's see.. I think I can narrow it down to discipline, focus, and obedience.

Yeah, yeah. I could whine and moan and say that I've had some setbacks. That would be true. I've had some serious setbacks, roadblocks, hell, I've had mountains to climb. And I've scaled them. But when you are constantly playing defense sometimes you can forget that you have to put numbers on the board. I lost sight of that.

Seeing that letter reminded me of who I said I would be. Who I was to become. All of the things that I listed on that letter are still things that I want. I still want to be debt-free. I still want to have a career that I get up and love going to everyday. I want to travel more - much more. I want everything on that list.

So instead of writing about who I want to be and putting it in my journal, the Neysa 2.0 Manifesto (catchy name, huh?) is going on the bathroom mirror. I will be forced to look at it everyday so that I don't forget the goal. I will work at closing the gap until I can introduce my present self to my best self.

#MarriagePrayer 2/29/12

Father, I want to thank You for the vision that You've placed in me. Thank You for trusting me with kingdom building. I know that at times I move slow but thank You for being patient with me. Thank You for giving me 2nd and 3rd chances. Father, I am so excited about what You have planned for me and I plan to pursue all of it. I love You and Thank YOU. Amen. Amen.

My Prayer for Today

1 Chronicles 4:10
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.

This is my prayer for today. Please, God, enlarge my territory AND keep me safe from harm. I am not going to lie or try to say that the larger territory wouldn't be a blessing when YOU and i both know that it would. But I will say that I will be a good steward of the blessing and will use it to honor YOU.

Also, please keep me free from harm. "Let no weapon formed against me" prosper. Keep all enemies at bay and deal with them as YOU see fit.

Finally, if You choose to keep my territory the same (or smaller) and if You choose to let me be harmed because it's in my best interest for my development, please do not remove Your hand from me. Stay with me through everything.. good and bad, hi's and low's. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Amen!

The Right Season

People want what they want when they want it. They don't stop and think about if now is the right season for their gifts to manifest. There is nothing like getting the perfect gift at the wrong time. Let me explain: I had the perfect job for me - and ended up walking away from it because of external pressures. Let me clarify: I had a job that was amazing and had to step away from it because I took the right job at the wrong season. I decided that I would start this new job and grad school the same day. And I would work part time on the weekends at my old job. Did I mention that I had just given birth to my 2nd child so I had a family to care for too? Yep, I was delusional.

Not only was I delusional, I failed miserably at the job. Not because I couldn't do it. I was more than able to do the work and do it well. But being stretched too thin, a not very pleasant supervisor, and a really ugly incident all combined to make the environment so toxic that I bailed at the first chance I got.

So now I am at a crossroads. I have tons of great ideas and lots of great plans but I don't know which to pursue. Do I pursue one or all or none? Let me be real transparent: after that colossal failure I am a bit afraid to try. I don't want to fail. Not only do I not want to fail, I don't want to step outside of God's plan for me.

But I am refuse to be a slave to fear. I am can't have fear or being "complacent"
keep me from getting all that God has for me. Jeremiah 29:11 states "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" I have to trust that. I have to trust that anything the Lord places in me is meant to be developed. What I (and many people) have to get over is the fact that just because the Lord gave me something to work on does not mean that I will become the next Oprah Winfrey. Working on a task may be meant to develop me, not make me a multi-millionaire. Waiting on the right season does not mean that no work is to be done. In the "off season" I have to work on the plans, work on myself, and pray for God's guidance at every turn. I have to not only trust God but trust the journey. Trust the process. And I also have to trust myself.

If I have faith in God and God has faith in me, then I have to have faith that the right season is right around the corner.

#MarriagePrayer 2/27/12

Father, I really want all of the gifts that You have planned for me. In Jeremiah 29:11 it reads: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " Father, I want Your plans to come to pass. Please give me the wisdom to only pursue Your will & to ignore all distractions. I want Your gifts & blessings to rain down on my entire family. I want my husband and my children to walk in Your will. Let me be an example of being my best so that they are free to pursue their best. Father, remind me to encourage the dreams that You give them. I never want to crush any vision that You have planted in them. Father, I love You & thank YOU. Amen. Amen.

#MarriagePrayer 2/24/12 (Praise & Thanks)

Father, thank YOU for being God. Thank YOU for Your grace. Thank You for Your mercy. Thank YOU for loving us so much to send Your only son. Thank YOU for deciding that man should not live alone. Thank You for the gift of union. Thank You for the gift of family. Thank You for 2nd and 3rd and 100th chances. Thank You for Favor. Thank You for discipline. Thank You for being our armor. Thank You for protecting us from attacks seen & unseen. Thank You! Thank You! I love You! I praise Your name. Amen!

#MarriagePrayer 2/23/12

Father, I come to You today believing Your promises. I know that every attack is just to throw my family off the path. But our family is committed to YOUR will! We wil stand firm on Your Word. I know the attacks are mere distractions or tests to see how committed we are. Father, I am so excited about what YOU are doing for us. I appreciate YOUR favor. I thank YOU for YOUR love. I am grateful for YOUR mercy. Anoint my husband today & let everything he touches be successful. Father, please keep him out of harm's way. Be a shield around my children. And bless those that mean me harm. Send them Your peace so they may get to know YOU. I love YOU & thank YOU. Amen. Amen!

Real talk 2/23/12

You ready for some real talk? Sometimes I - yes, me the marriage blogger - get tired. Sometimes I get tired of the BS, attacks, etc. From pressure at work to be the best, to pressure at home to be truly present when home, to personal pressures to be MY best...whew!!! There are some days when I say, "Dang, is it ever going to get easier?" Then I remember just over a year ago, my marriage was failing and my health was tripping. So even though I am pulled in a million different directions, I have to remember a few things:

1. God loves me (yep, lil ol me)
2. Chris Taylor love me (hey, baby)
3. My family and friends are amazing
4. My health is getting better

So i will celebrate & say "Thank You GOD!" and relax, because I know that I am in His hand...

#MarriagePrayer 2/22/12

"Father, thank You for another day. Father, strengthen me over the next 40 days. Please remove from me anything that needs to be purged. Jesus, I know that m sacrifice is minor compared to the sacrifice You made. Let me not only remove items from my life but let me replace those voids with you. But while I am making sacrifice let me remember to be obedient. In 1 Samuel 15:22 Your Word states that "to obey is better than sacrifice." Father, help me in the area of obedience and in the area of discipline. Father, I love You & thank YOU. Amen. Amen."

#MarriagePrayer 2/21/12

Father, I am so excited about this Lenten season. I really feel that You are going to stretch me, test me, challenge me over the next 40 days & I thank You in advance. I thank YOU because while sacrifice may be hard, it is nothing compared to the sacrifice YOU made when You sent Your son for my sins. I thank You because while the pressing may be difficult, I know that YOU are pruning things away from me that are not for my good. While tests are never fun, they are meant to get me to a new level in YOU. So I thank YOU in advance for the next 40 days. I thank YOU for the past 36 years of my life. And I thank YOU for all the plans that You have for my future. I love You. I thank YOU. Amen. Amen.

#MarriagePrayer 2/20/12

Father, let me first say thank You for today. Thank You for YOUR renewed mercies, love, forgiveness, and favor. Father, I know that every day is not promised to I give YOU thanks for seeing another day. I thank You for not giving up on me. Father, please cover every head of household that is connected to this prayer. Father, not only be a hedge around them but be a fortress, around them. Protect them from every attack of the enemy. Father, Guard them & their families. Seal any cracks in their spiritual armor so that the enemy has NO way in. Father, give the men just a glimpse of Your plan. Let them see themselves how You see them so that they will be renewed. Let them see all that You have laid out for them so they can stay committed to the Your will. And Father, I want to ask selfishly today for myself. Please touch my tummy & heal all issues there. Father, You know that I dread going back into the hospital. But I release that spirit of fear. Father, I thank YOU in advance for answered prayers. I thank YOU for past & continued blessings. And I praise YOU for who YOU are. Father , I love YOU and thank YOU. Amen! Amen!

Moving Past Versus to Victory

You've heard it all before: "The plight of the black man. The struggle of the black woman. Black women don't understand black men. Black men are all dogs. No one understands what black men have to face the minute they walk out the front door. Black women are the mules of the world."

Can we please call a truce? Do black men have it rough? Yes. Do black women have it bad? Yes. That is the end of the statement. We don't have to be in a constant battle to see who has it worse. It's like both of us having our throats slashed and arguing about who's hurt worse. That doesn't make any sense. We are all under immense pressure outside our homes. We are both dealing with huge socio-psycho factors that affect our emotional state. All of that is leading to feuding in our homes. So how do we stop it?

We all hurt and it is time that we deal with it individually.
All of us need to take a good look inside ourselves and deal with our pain. If you are married, you cannot deal effectively as a part of a covenant when you are full of pain. If you are single, you cannot try to search for a spouse when you are still hurt. You have to stop, look inside, and make a list of things that you first need to address. Let's be honest, societal pressures will always be there. The pressures outside your door will always be there. But with help, how you deal with those pressures can change. And by help I mean spiritual and mental help.

We have to stop measuring our wounds against someone else's pain.
Those "who hurts more?" conversations have to end immediately. We have to acknowledge our own pain but also recognize the pain in others. No, this isn't psycho babble that removes personal responsibility. But instead of seeing someone's hurt and saying "shoot! That aint nothing. Let me show you my hurt." the conversation shifts to "I see that you are hurting. I've been hurting too. This is what I am doing to heal my hurt. If you'd like, I can share my journey with you."

We have to stop holding the next person responsible for our past hurt.
So many men have been damaged by women who only want men for financial gain. So many women have been damaged by men that only want women for physical gain. You've heard the brothers say "all women are gold diggers." I know you've heard the sistas say "all men are dogs." But that statement is flawed. All doesn't exist. Some men and some women are scummy. But not all. Once you do the work on yourself you will quit attracting the scummy. You have to realize that your next date will be one of two things: your first date with your future spouse or a person that will show you something about yourself that you still need to work on. But if you meet someone that is wonderful, stop holding them accountable for past pain. Leave past pain at the altar or at the therapist's office. Take the wisdom but not the pain.

We have to be for others what we expect them to be for us.
A friend of mine wrote that women expect men to be knights in shining armor but never rise to princess status. The same is true in reverse as well. Iron sharpens iron. If you want a man that has a six-pack like Shemar and arms like Dwight Howard, then you need to hit the gym. If you want a woman that is full of the Holy Ghost like your mama, then you might want to go to church. Yes, I know opposites attract but let's be real. Having similar values, plans, and vision is much more important and long lasting than any old cliche. Make a list of attributes you want your ideal mate to have. Read it over. If you were that person, would you date YOU? If the answer is no, get to working on yourself.

I don't have a fancy closing line or something insanely witty to day to drive the point home. The bottom line is we have to work together instead of against each other. We have to move from foes to family.

Don't Throw in the Towel

I had a facebook friend post this today:
"I think it's time for a change..... I am thinking about dating exclusively out of my race, I have tried to step up to the plate with my black sistas and one full yr later, I am still single. It's gonna be hard cause I like curves but mentally I am done"

Wow. That hit me hard. Now, I am not one to diss interracial dating. Do you. Date the rainbow. Love is hard to find and even harder to make work no matter the skin tone. But I do have a problem when black men "give up" on black women and announce that they are headed to another race. Really?

I am sad to report that after this was posted on facebook, several other black men commented about how heinous black women are as potential mates. Once again all I could think was "Really?"

Then I started wondering. Does that mean that EVERY black woman that these men know is sub par? Their mamas,sisters, aunties, cousins, friends... Are all of these women raggedy? I don't think so. The original poster commented that his thinking has been influenced by a series of horrible dates over the past year. Am I being insensitive because all I think is "so what?" Here's my issue with that type of thinking:

#1: You are generalizing an entire race of women based upon your flawed research.
This is the same mentality that other races use when they say "all black men are criminals/athletic/good in bed." You cannot generalize a group of people. You can say that SOME black women may have been horrible dates. You can even say the women you selected have all been pretty bad. (That actually leads to my next point. Stay tuned.) But you cannot say that every black women is beneath your dating standards.

#2: What do all these women have in common? (Wait for it....) You.
You selected all of the women that you went out with, right? Therefore their common denominator is YOU. So maybe that means that your criteria or your selection process is flawed. Maybe you need to change HOW you select a mate, not just WHO you date. Didn't Katt Williams write a bit of standup about this?

#3: And why are white women on a pedestal? It's like black men are saying, "Sistas, you had your chance. Since you didn't step up to the mark, I am going to reach for the ideal - the white woman." It's as if you had a preconceived notion against black women to begin with. If you are looking for x,y,z and haven't yet found it with black women but announce that you are going over to white women, then you are saying that you think white women have x,y,z. If you already have a preconceived notion that white women are better, then why are you even wasting your time with women that you think are substandard?

#4: Finally, why do you think you have the corner market on sucky dates? And what gives you the right to just throw in the towel? My sistas have gone on plenty of bogus dates. They've been in bogus relationships. Hell, some have even been in bogus marriages. But we never give up on the ideal black man (IBM). We hold onto hope that an IBM exists for us. While we may open the doors and date outside our race, we rarely exclude black men in our search for a potential husband. We don't just throw all of the brothers out because of the actions of a few. In the words of Jesse, we "keep hope alive."

#MarriagePrayer 2/17/12

"Father, as the Lenten season approaches, help me to prepare for this time of strengthening and renewal. Father, help me to sacrifice me at the altar. Let me put down tradition and rules and fast what YOU want me to fast. I know that true sacrifice is not easy, but if I truly want to be more like YOU, then many things need to be purged from me. So over the next few days, make plain to me what You want me to give up. I love You and trust You. Amen. Amen."

#MarriagePrayer 2/16/12

"Father, thank You for today. Thank You for all of your blessings, favor, and grace. I don't want to take any of Your gifts for granted. Thank You for the gift of my spouse. Father, please wrap Your arms around him this morning. Please talk to him in a new way. Please help him to obtain all of his goals that are according to Your will. Father, mold him into the man that You want him to be and mold me into the helper that he needs me to be. Thank You for Your love. Amen. Amen."

#MarriagePrayer 2/15/12

"Father, let me be real transparent today, I am a bit angry this morning. That is just the total truth. But even though I am angry, I know that my actions are supposed to reflect Your love. SO help me to deal w/my emotions & respond the way you want me to. I trust YOU and love YOU. So I thank YOU for Your love. Amen. Amen."

The Greatest of These is Love

1 Corinthians 13 is all about love. In case you haven't read it, here is is:

1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I love how verse 1-3 really tell me about myself. I can be a hard worker. I can be a good mother. I can be a good wife, but if I do it out of obligation instead of love, then it means nothing. Love should be the motivation around everything that I do. And loving those that love me is easy. But do I love my coworkers? Ummmmm. Nope. I am respectful. I am pretty nice. But love? Isn't that reserved for folks that I care about. Well, the relevelation that I received this morning is no. The order is to love all.

I can love my co-workers, enemies, strangers, everyone because I first love Jesus. I demonstrate my love for Him by extending lovingingkindness to His other children. It's that simple.

Verse 4-8 is often quoted at weddings, but take it out of the romantic love context. Apply it to other areas of your life. It gives new meaning to love doesn't it? It is easy to apply this teaching to my spouse or my children. But what about applying it in other areas or to other people. Let's use work. Think about the chick that gets on your last nerve at work. Got her picture in your head? Good. Now think about a way that you can extend love to that person. Huh? What? Yep. Extend love to that person. I am not saying to kiss her tail, but extend a bit of lovingkindness in their direction. See how releasing that dislike and replacing it with love will change you. Yep. I said "you."

Then look at verse 8-13. These lines seem to be out of context, but read them again. All things will pass away. All things. That includes you. But the things that will remain are faith, hope, and love. And of these, love is the greatest. These are the most significant gifts that you can be given and that you can give the world. These 3 things can give you strength to keep on keeping on. Faith is rooted in your belief in the Father. Hope is always optimistic. And love is that binding cord that unites us to the Father and to each other. Remember the love that was extended to us in John 3:16. If God loves us so much to sacrifice His Son for our trangressions, the least we can do is honor His will and reflect His love.

#MarriagePrayer 2/13/12

"Father, thank You for being the example of perfect love. Today let love flow from spouse to spouse, from parent to child, from person to person. Father, let us lead with love today. Let us temper our words with love. Let us respond with love. Let us be ambassadors of You and Your divine love. I love YOU and thank YOU 'for You so loved the world' that You gave us the gift of Your Son. Thank You for loving us despite our mess. Amen. Amen."

What Happened to Our Movement?

If you follow black media, then you are aware of CNN contributor Roland Martin's suspension for his tweets during the Superbowl. This post isn't about that. This post is about a series of tweets that Demetria Lucas, contributor for Essence Magazine, sent yesterday afternoon.

Here they are:
@abelleinbk "Black folk complain and get an eye roll. Glaad complains and ish gets changed... swiftly. That's power."

@belleinbk "And I straight up HATE that after 100+ years, the NAACP doesn't have the power of GLAAD."

Well, damn. That says a lot doesn't it. And let's be honest, it's true. But why is it true? That is the part that I have trouble wrapping my head around. Historically, we've been able to unite and change the course of history. But what happened? This is my take on the situation:


You can't bring an 8-track to an MP3 situation. The days of marching have passed. I mean it. They have gone the way of the dinosaur... extinct. Because what does a march accomplish? Nothing. It is a show of force without any real power behind it. If you want to evoke change, organize a economic boycott, a "sit-in" at a council meeting, a shut down the poll event. Things that actually matter and where support is measurable. Utilize facebook and twitter to spread the word. Make sure your public relations team effectively communicates your message and your MEASURABLE goals. Position your ARTICULATE spokesperson in front of the cameras to share your message with the media. Make sure your organization has free tshirt that share your message. Sounds simple doesn't it? But these small changes move your organization from complainers to world changers.

Old school has to stop telling new school that we dropped the ball. Several years ago I attended a community workshop on organizing for change. It was put on by a prestigious African-American organization and I went full of excitement about getting action steps for change. I left the meeting quite angry. Why? Because those in power - who were part of the civil rights movement - keep talking about how the younger generation had dropped the ball. I really don't see it that way. I see it as we dropped the baton. In a relay race, the baton has to be passed smoothly so that the next runner can take over and run their part of the race. So we may have dropped the baton but we had help. The baton pass was faulty. That doesn't mean that the race is over, but it does mean that we need to work together to understand the gifts that all generations bring to the table. There is wisdom and history that needs to be gathered from the older members of our community. The younger generation has passion and energy. Gifts of both generations have to be appreciated and utilized for organizations to be effective.

We have to move from reactionary to visionary. Stop being reactionary. Any NFL coach will tell you that the best defense is a strong offense. Plan for the future. We have to change our focus. The presidential election is important, but your council, school board, state legislature is just as important. We can't rally every 4 years and expect the world to change. We have to think about long-term goals. Do you want better schools? Then attend a PTA meeting, a school board meeting, a state senate education committee meeting. That is where the decisions are being made that effect our children. After legislation has passed is no time to fuss. It's too late then. We have to stop bills and policies from passing.

You have to know your role in the organization. Everyone can't be Dr. King. Someone has to work the phone tree, twitter account, create flyers, provide rides to the polls, etc. Everyone can't be the face of the movement. So move vanity out of the way. Know your role and play it well. Just because you can "stir up the spirit" praying at church doesn't mean that you should be the spokesperson for the organization. This is a soundbite generation. Concise, articulate language is needed to convey your message. (Trust me on this one. It's what I do for a day job.)

Take your children along as you change the world. Remember the baton analogy? You have to train the next generations to take up the baton. You have to teach them how to fight for justice. You have to teach them about the government and how to petition the government for change. So take them along with you. Involve them in the process. (As long as it is safe, of course.)

Finally, support the cause - financially. Organizations that have become too top heavy need to trim the fat. You can't expect the community to support an organization if your CEO is "ballin.'" There will be a disconnect between the public and the organization. Organizations also need to lower their membership fees to bring more people into the fold. Joining an organization should feel inclusive not elitist. But the community needs to do our part as well. We have to skip a hair appointment or a happy hour and spend the money supporting organizations that support us. If you can spend $$$ on the Watch the Throne concert tour, then you can spend $$$ on watching our community change for the better, right?

So here are a few action steps. What are your thoughts? Better yet, what are your steps? Because if all keep making steps, we will finally get to our destination.

#MarriagePrayer 2/9/12

Sometimes you just need to lift your voice and say "Use me Father." Today is that day.

Attitude of Gratitude

 

When the editors of BlackLoveandMarriage.com asked me to write a piece on gratitude, I immediately thought about my marriage and being grateful for still being married to my husband. I mean that is what I normally write about and it seems to fit the theme of Black love and MARRIAGE, right? But while I am grateful for my marriage, my family, my job, and continuing personal growth; I am also very grateful for my health.

Huh? What? I am grateful for my health. I've had 7 surgeries in 12 years. Yep, you read that right. Seven. And that's just the surgeries. I've made repeat extended stay visits to the hospital in-between those surgeries. It's pretty bad. Actually it's so bad that my 2011 New Year's resolution was to stay out of the hospital. Unfortunately I was admitted to the hospital for 4 days on 1/2/11. That's the kind of chronic, reoccurring illness that I have.

Anyone with a chronic illness knows that treating it is tough. It's a constant battle. But diagnosing it is even harder. I spent years in and out of doctor's offices trying to figure out why I was in so much pain. Years of misdiagnosing. Years of functioning through the pain. Years of wondering if I was actually crazy. I visited so many doctors that I keep a list of surgeries and medications typed up and would fax/email my information to them in advanced because I was so tired for repeating myself. I would watch medical mysteries and "House MD" and pray that some doctor would help me the same way.

So if I have medical issues how can I be thankful for health? Easy. I had my "House MD" moment. And while the problem is recurring at least I know what I am dealing with. I've learned how to manage it. I've learned how to call a time out when I am feeling bad so that I am down for just 1-2 days instead of weeks.

So what exactly am I grateful for? Each time I went into the hospital, I got to come home at the end of my stay. Some folks can't say that. Some folks moved to the morgue, but I didn't. Each time I have been ill, my friends and family have gathered to take care of me and my children. Other people can't say that, but I can. While my job may complain about the amount of time that I've been off from work, they have always preserved my job for me. Some people can't say that, but I can. My good days out number my bad. Some people can't say that, but I can.

While some people can say that their health is perfect, I can't say that. But what I can say is that I am grateful for the health that I do have.

#MarriagePrayer 2/8/12

"Father, today I come to You with a strange request. Father, bless my enemies. Bless those that have done me harm in the past & try to do me harm in the future. Jesus, always be a fence around me & protect me from any attacks that they may try to lodge at me. But while You are protecting me, work on me. Soften my heart. Let me see them as You do. Let me forgive them without prejudice. Erase all malice from my heart. If You see fit, use me to bless my enemy. Father, I know that it won't be easy to work on forgiveness, but I know that forgiveness frees not only my enemy but it frees me. It frees me to do Your will. So Jesus, help me to walk Your way. I love YOU & thank YOU. Amen. Amen."

#MarriagePrayer 2/7/12

"Father, thank You for today. Thank You for another chance to get it right. Thank YOU for the gift of children. Father, let us remember that they are watching everything that we do. Jesus, please help us live a life of righteousness so that our children see Your will done through us. Father, help us to correct our children in love. Let our children know while we are their parents, YOU are their father. Father, thank YOU for this wonderful gift. Thank YOU for choosing us to not only be kingdom builders but legacy builders. Jesus, we love YOU and thank YOU. Amen. Amen."

#MarriagePrayer 2/6/12

"Father, thank YOU for removing things in me that are hindering my marriage. Thank YOU for talking to me & telling me that I have to change. Thank You for not giving up on me. Father, help me to grow not only closer to YOU but more like YOU. Jesus, please keep Your hand on me. Help me grow into the person YOU want me to be & that my husband & family need me to be. Let me keep looking forward & not return to old ways just because it's comfortable. I know that the blessings that await me are greater than any comfort I have from holding onto old things. Father, I trust YOU. I love YOU. And I thank YOU. Amen. Amen."

Loc Lessons

With Locs

Over the past three weeks I have been immersed in a huge project - I've taken down my dreadlocks. Yep, you read that right. I've taken down my dreadlocks. Not cut my dreadlocks. Not shaved my head. But taken down my dreadlocks. (Yes, it can be done. Google it if you don't believe me.) And me being me, I look for the lessons in everything and this project gave me a lot to think about.

One of the lessons is that you can't rush the job. Almost 7 years ago my hairdresser loc'd my hair. Piece by piece. Roll by roll. She put care into locking my hair. And 7 years later it had to be taken down the same way. Piece by piece.. hair by hair. There was no rushing the process. There was no going around the process. And there were no short cuts. To achieve my desired result I had to put in work. Lots of work. More work than I ever imagined. There weren't any fastpasses to finishing. This theme has been reflected in my life over and over again. From personal growth to marriage restoration, there isn't an easy button to get to the finish line. You have to put in the time and the work to get there.

Another lesson I learned was setbacks happen. I had a plan. I had a good plan to get my locs out by the time a family event rolled around. I was confident in my plan then - BAM! - my plan was changed because of external factors. I threw a fit. Well, let me be totally transparent, I threw several fits. But when it came down to it, I could either stay in place and kick and holler, or I could get back to working a new and improved plan. In the end, the new and improved plan worked out. My life isn't exactly where I want it right now. Ya'll know that I've had some setbacks! But a new plan is in place. And I intend to work the plan until I achieve all of my goals.

I also had to learn to ask for help. The last piece that I wrote was about how I can do it all. I can wear the Superwoman cape, work a corporate job, and raise some kids. I was singing Chaka Khan - "I'm everywoman, it's all in me" - at the top of my lungs. And I was exhausted doing it. When my personal deadline was menacingly staring me in the face, I realized one thing - either I ask for help or I miss the mark. I opened my mouth and asked for help. I didn't just get help. I got love. I received so much help,concern,and time from my sister circle. They came and stayed all hours of the night to help me achieve a goal. I've known that my sistercircle was tight but I was amazed and so filled by the love they showed me. And I realize that these same sisters - and more - will have my back in future endeavors, just like I will always have theirs.

I realized that everything can't go into the future with you. To move forward with a major change you have to cut off some dead ends. I had 7 years worth of hair on my head and my ends were raggedy. I had to cut off the dead ends. Obvious metaphor here, right? To move forward in life, I have to leave some dead things behind me. Everything can't go with me into the next phase of life. I have to leave some baggage in the past and let it stay there.

Finally, I have to get to know the new me. Loc'd hair was resistant to rain and humidity. Free natural hair takes time and care. Little things like owning a shower cap or a wrap cap (sistas, you feel me right?) had been missing from my daily routine for years. I have to get to know the new me. I have to spend time with the new me. And I have to treat the new hairdo totally different than the old one. The new Neysa can't act like the old Neysa. I can't expect new things while doing the old stuff I used to do. I have to govern myself with a new set of rules, by a higher standard.


So those were my lessons learned from the seemingly simple act of taking down my locs. It's funny, the old me would have thought I was just changing my hair style, but the new me knows that I am changing my life.

After

#MarriagePrayer 2/2/12

"Jesus, thank You for growth. Thank You for growth. Thank You for growth. Thank You for growth. Thank You for growth. Thank YOU for all of the lessons both painful & sweet. Thank YOU for growth. Thank YOU for trusting me & believing in me. Thank You for growth. Thank YOU for being the focus of our covenant. Thank You for growth. Thank You for growth. And I thank YOU in advance for the lessons to come. Thank You for taking my marriage to higher levels in YOU. Thank YOU for taking me and my spouse - individually - to higher levels in you. Thank YOU for growth to come. I love YOU and thank YOU. Amen. Amen."

#MarriagePrayer 2/1/12

"Father, thank You for making my spouse exactly who I need him to be. There are times when I wish that he was more like me & but thank YOU for being divine & giving him gifts that are different from my gifts. Thank You for his gifts and talent. Father, help me to appreciate his gifts and encourage him when he uses his gifts. Jesus, thank YOU for the balance that he brings to my life. Father, I love You and thank YOU. Amen. Amen."